Me: “Hello?”
Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–”
Me: “Uh, excuse me?”
Male caller: “That was a #9.”
Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”
Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?”
Me: “My… house?”
Male caller: “Oh. Can you make me a sandwich anyway?”
(It’s May 5th, and I’m remotely connected to a customer’s computer helping her with a billing issue.)
Customer: “What race are you?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Well, I’m only asking because it’s Cinco De Mayo, and I’m Mexican. Well, I have Mexican blood.”
Me: “Oh.”
Customer: “I need to go drink margaritas now. Could you just stay in my computer and do my billing for me? I’ll come back in the morning and print the bills out.”
Me: “…”
Customer: “I paid for $21 and it stopped at $15!”
Me: “Is it full?”
Customer: “No, I paid for $21!”
Me: *squeezes nozzle* “Okay… I got a couple drops in, but I really think you’re full.”
Customer: “But I put in $21. Why won’t it fill up? I know it isn’t full!”
(At this point I pull the nozzle out and gas comes shooting out of the tank like Coke and Mentos.)
Customer: “There’s a hole in my car. What can I do?!”
Me: “No, you’re just full.”
Customer: “WHY?! This never happens at other gas stations! I don’t understand the problem!”
Caller: “I was wondering what stains you can get out of fabric? Can you get everything out?”
Me: “What is the stain, exactly?”
Caller: “Well, I was watching this woman on telly and I got a bit excited–”
Me: *cuts him off* “–Oh, yes, we can get THAT out.”
Caller: “Do you want to know who it was?”
Me: “Ummm…”
Eavesdropping Coworker: *grabs phone* “Ooh, yes, tell us!”
Caller: “Dolly Parton. She really does it for me!”
(All unusual customer requests from that day forward were known as ‘Dolly Partons.’)
This story is part of the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!
Read the next Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup story!
Read the Customers-Sharing-TMI roundup!
(A customer wants a better plan than her current 150 minutes/month. I notice she never uses more than 100 minutes or so a month.)
Me: “Well, ma’am, since our plans have changed and this amount of minutes seems to be perfect for you, I’m happy to tell you that I can give you the exact same plan for $30 a month and save you $10 a month.”
Customer: “That’s not a deal. I said I wanted something better than what I have.”
Me: “This is better. You’ll save $120 a year and based upon your usage, so this is perfect for you.”
Customer: “How is this better for me if it’s the same plan? I don’t want to change.”
Me: “So you don’t want me to change this to a $10 per month cheaper plan?”
Customer: “I said NO! I don’t want to save money if I get no more minutes out of it.”
Me: “Deal.”
This story is part of the Customers-Are-Their-Own-Worst-Enemy roundup!
