Archive for 2008

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You’ve Got An Honest Signature

| Edmonton, Alberta, Canada | Uncategorized

(One day, a courier came in to drop off a check. I was using one of our pens to sign it.)

Courier: “Hey, that’s a really nice pen!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s not bad.”

Courier: “Don’t worry, though. I’m not going to steal it!”

Me: “Ha – Ok…”

Courier: “No, for real. I don’t steal things.”

Me: “That’s…good?”

(By now I’ve finished signing, but she isn’t leaving.)

Courier: “My best friend once accused me of stealing her check. Her $300 check!”

Me: “Um…that’s too bad.”

Courier: “We aren’t friends anymore. I mean, I make that much money in a DAY! You hear me?! I drive around MILLION dollar checks. Why would I steal her stupid tiny check?”

Me: “I don’t know…”

Courier: “I let her move into my basement. I told her it was only $500 a month. Isn’t that a great deal? Isn’t it?!”

Me: “Yeah, sounds good…”

Courier: “And how does the little b**** thank me? She accuses me of stealing her money! When I can steal ANYBODY’S million dollar checks! So you know what I told her? I told her to get the F*** out of my basement!”

Me: “…”

Courier: “Now I hear she’s on drugs. What a winner. Not like you. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You wouldn’t accuse me of stealing, would you?”

Me: “Um…no.”

I Always Travel By Rocket

| Flagstaff, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Caller: “How far are you from Las Vegas?”

Me: “233 miles.”

Caller: “So that’s about what, an hour, hour and a half?”

Me: “Only if you drive about 230 miles an hour.”

Just A Little Closer…

, | Oregon, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer purchased a copy of a popular anti virus program. About 2 hours later I received a phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I just bought a **** anti virus program from your store, and it’s not working.”

Me: “What about it isn’t working? Did you install the program?”

Customer: “It’s not interfacing with my system.”

Me: “Not…interfacing? I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

Customer: “I set the box next to my computer, and it’s not doing anything at all. Nothing is happening on my computer! This program is defective.”

Me: “Um…well, you have to open the box and insert the CD into your computer, then install the program before it will run.”

Customer: “WHAT?! How do I do that?”

Me: “…”

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