Archive for 2007

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I Sense A Rejection Letter

, | | Right | December 8, 2007

Me: “Hi, my name is ***** at ******** College, and I’m calling this evening to talk to ***** about her college search. Is she available?”

Older man who answered: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”

Me: “Uh…okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple pieces of contact information for her?”

Man: “I could take it, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”

Man: “No, no joke…”

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Of All The Moments For Freud To Slip

| | Right | December 7, 2007

(I was working the candy bar when a I was approached by a man seeing Bridge to Terabithia with two young kids. He points to the popcorn machine:)

Customer: “I’ll have two boxes of cockporn, please.”

(There was a two second pause as the customer’s eyes went wide with horror…and then I started to laugh. He got the popcorn and ran upstairs, with me standing behind the counter with tears running down my face.)

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On The Need For Consumer IQ Requirements

| | Right | December 7, 2007

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to return this gas cooker…”

Me: “Sure, what’s the problem with it, madam?”

Customer: “The picture on the front of the box shows meat, although when I opened the box there was no meat inside…”

Me: *In astonishment* “Okay, I’ll just go and get my manager…”

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Underwater Basketweaving, B.A.

| | Right | December 7, 2007

Customer: “Can I have a banana?”

Me: “Sure.” *I ring her up and give her a banana*

Customer: “Uh, actually.. could I have a more ripe banana?”

(I hand her a very yellow banana with faint spots on it.)

Customer: “No, no, a RIPER banana. Like, a greener one.”

(I stare at her for a second, get a greener banana, and watch her walk away wondering how she got into college.)

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The Proud And Stupid

, | | Right | December 7, 2007

(This one came from my manager. A customer called Target and asked about a jacket that was on sale.)

Customer (very snooty): “Hello, I would like to know if you have any Corbin Wells jackets in stock.”

My Manager: “Corbin Wells? I don’t think we sell that brand.”

Customer (getting angry): “Well, it’s on page 10 in your ad!”

My Manager: “Let me see.” *she turns to page 10* “Ma’am, page 10 is electronics.”

Customer (extremely angry): “You DO have the ad in front of you, don’t you?”

My manager: “Yes, I have the TARGET ad in front of me.”

Customer: “Oh, Target? That’s not the ad I’m looking at.”

My manager: “What ad are you looking at, ma’am?”

Customer (still snooty): “Kohl’s.” *click*

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