Archive for 2007

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A Pseudo-Existential Moment

| | Right | November 1, 2007

Technician: “Good morning, *** Technical Support.”

Caller: “Is this technical support?”

Technician: “Yes.”

Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

Technician: (Confused) “What number did you phone in on?”

Caller: “Can I have your phone number please?”

Technician: (Thoroughly confused) “It’s this number, it’s the number you’ve just dialed.”

Caller: “Thank you. Goodbye.”

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A Strong Case for Reproductive Licensing

| | Right | November 1, 2007

(I honestly can’t say how many times I have had this conversation in the ER)

Me: “Is there any chance you are pregnant?”

Patient: “No?”

Me: “Are you sure?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Are you sexually active?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Do you still have periods?”

Patient: “Yes!”

Me: “Are you on birth control?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Do you use condoms?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Has your husband/significant other/autistic baboon had a vasectomy?”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “So let me get this straight. You are still menstruating, have unprotected sex, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

Patient: “No.”

Me: “Look, if you are having sex and not trying to prevent getting pregnant, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”

Patient: “No.”

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Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*

| | Right | October 31, 2007

(Customer standing on top of an old, oak library ladder)

Bookstore Customer: “If I was your attorney, I would make you get rid of this ladder.”

Me: “If you were my attorney, I’d push you off it!”

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He Who Warps The Fabric Of Space

| | Right | October 31, 2007

Customer at a Bookstore in Philadelphia: “I‚Äôm looking for the Boston Zagat Restaurant guide, do you have a local interest section that would have it?”

Me: “No. Boston isn‚Äôt local. The restaurant guide would be with the rest of the Boston travel books.”

Customer: “Well there aren‚Äôt any on the shelf.”

Me: “We must be out of stock. I could order it for you.”

Customer: “No. Well are there any local stores around here that would have it?”

Me: “Boston is not local. Maybe you should wait until you go to Boston and buy it there.”

Customer: “Good idea.”

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Lesson 1: How To Scam A Scammer

| | Right | October 31, 2007

Pizza Delivery Customer: “I want this pizza for free.”

Me: “No cash, no pizza. I don’t care if you don’t eat or not.”

Pizza Delivery Customer: “Well, I know the owner of *** Pizza!!!”

Me: “Really, how do you know me?”

(Customer puts his hand and his pocket and pays for the pizza)

(Note: I’m not really the owner of *** Pizza)

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