Archive for 2007

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He Who Warps The Fabric Of Space

| | Right | October 31, 2007

Customer at a Bookstore in Philadelphia: “I‚Äôm looking for the Boston Zagat Restaurant guide, do you have a local interest section that would have it?”

Me: “No. Boston isn‚Äôt local. The restaurant guide would be with the rest of the Boston travel books.”

Customer: “Well there aren‚Äôt any on the shelf.”

Me: “We must be out of stock. I could order it for you.”

Customer: “No. Well are there any local stores around here that would have it?”

Me: “Boston is not local. Maybe you should wait until you go to Boston and buy it there.”

Customer: “Good idea.”

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Lesson 1: How To Scam A Scammer

| | Right | October 31, 2007

Pizza Delivery Customer: “I want this pizza for free.”

Me: “No cash, no pizza. I don’t care if you don’t eat or not.”

Pizza Delivery Customer: “Well, I know the owner of *** Pizza!!!”

Me: “Really, how do you know me?”

(Customer puts his hand and his pocket and pays for the pizza)

(Note: I’m not really the owner of *** Pizza)

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Arr, Matey! I Be Wanting Ye Gold Doubloons!

| | Right | October 30, 2007

Me: “Welcome to xxx Bank, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”

Me: “Well, our Financial Advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”

Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”

Me: “Um… what do you mean exactly?”

Customer: “Can I buy gold?”

Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”

Me: “Um… no.. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”

Customer: “Well you SHOULD!”

Me: “… Okay.”

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The Lady Doth Go For Broke, Methinks

| | Right | October 30, 2007

(A lady enters the store and gives me a raincheck that expired long ago)

Me: “Um, ma’am, this raincheck expired 90 days after you received it.”

Customer: “It doesn’t say that.”

(I point to where it does, in fact, say that)

Customer: (completely seriously) “That wasn’t there before.”

(I hand the raincheck back)

Me: “Would you still like to buy this product?”

Customer: “Yes, I have this raincheck for buy one get one free.”

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Bad Pickup Lines, Parte Deux

| | Right | October 30, 2007

Bookstore Customer: “You have beautiful green eyes.”

Me: “They’re blue.”

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