Archive for 2007

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Note: Still Needs To Discover Fire And The Wheel

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(Ten years ago, I was working for a company selling computerized cash registers. A customer called in to help me with a cash register that didn’t connect to the back office computer)

Me: “So, can you tell me the settings of the DIP switches on the cash register?”

Customer: “DIP switch?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, the small switches located on the backside.”

Customer: “Eeeerrr…there are no switches there.”

Me: “Oh, yes, there are. Right next to the power cord.”

Customer: “No. There are no switches. Not any more!”

Me: *puzzled* “Huh? Not any more? What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, you know, my colleague told me that these switches might actually be what caused the problem, so I removed them.”

Me: “REMOVED THEM??”

Customer: “Yeah, you know, removed them. With a chisel.”

Source

Miss Impossible

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(Two days before Thanksgiving, people are picking up their orders of turkeys. One customer placed an order late, for a 20 lb. fresh Butterball. We didn’t get many of those, so I reserved a 20 lb. fresh “other” turkey.)

Me: “Well, I do have a previously frozen Butterball that a customer changed their mind on. It’s pretty much thawed out, you could have that.”

Customer: “No, my mother won’t eat frozen turkey.”

Me: “Well, then take the fresh one.”

Customer: “My mother only eats Butterball.”

Me: “This is a Butterball, and since you have to thaw it anyway to cook it, why not take the Butterball?”

Customer: “She won’t eat frozen turkeys.”

Me: “We still have small fresh Butterballs, why not take two of them?”

Customer: “No, my mother is making a turkey too, and I don’t want to have three of them.”

Me: *exasperated*

Genres Are For Weaklings

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Customer: “What movie just came out on video that’s like Lord of the Rings?”

Me: “I’m not sure, we haven’t gotten any big titles this week and definitely nothing that’s like Lord of the Rings…”

Customer: “Well, I saw a commercial that said, ‘Now available at your local *** Video’…and this is my local *** video.”

Me: “Hmmm, let me check with another manager.” (I call up to the office)

Me (to manager): “What came out this week besides Jeepers Creeper?”

Customer:JEEPERS CREEPERS! That’s it!”

Me: “We have that, but it’s nothing like Lord of the Rings.”

Customer: “Yeah it has monsters in it, it’s like Lord of the Rings.” *customer walks away*

Another employee: “You should tell him to rent The English Patient too. It has talking in it, so it’s like Lord of the Rings.”