(It must be noted the ice cream shop I worked at was in a mall, so it was pretty tiny and limited.)
Customer: “I’d like a chocolate ice cream cone please.”
Me: “Sorry, we only have vanilla.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. I’d like a chocolate ice cream then.”
Me: *stares* “We only have VANILLA. I can drip it in chocolate for you though.”
Customer: “Ugh, gross! No thanks, I’ll go try McDonald’s.”
Old man: “Well, I’d like three slices, all meat, and a Coke.”
Me: “Is Pepsi okay? We don’t serve Coke anymore.”
Old man: “WHAT?! YOU DON’T SERVE COKE? ANYMORE? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?”
Me: “Well, we used to sell both brands. It was just far too expensive to keep both stocked when most people aren’t devastated by not having Coke.”
Old man: “THAT’S ABSURD! WHO DOESN’T SELL COKE?! THAT’S INSANITY!”
Me: (I’m now egging him on and holding back laughter) “Well… you can go next door. The convenience store probably sells Coke, but I can’t guarantee it.”
Old man: “That’s what I’ll do! You won’t get my $0.75!”
Me: “Umm… okay. I’ll have your pizza in just a minute.”
His Wife: “Don’t mind him. He’s crazy.”
Old Man: “Shut it! What kind of a day and age is it when you don’t sell Coke? It’s just plain un-American.”
Me: “You know, Coke cans are red… like communism. ”
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Hotel Guest: “So how does parking work at the hotel?”
Me: “Oh, sir, parking is complimentary anywhere on site.”
Hotel Guest: “How much does it cost?”
Me: “It’s complimentary… It’s free.”
Me: “Can I help you?”
Woman: “Yes, I’d like to buy tickets for Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party.”
Me: “Wonderful. When will you be attending?”
Woman: “Tonight.”
Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we actually have sold out for tonight’s event.”
Woman: “Oh, okay. I’ll just get tickets when I get to the park.”
Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry; we don’t have any tickets at all left. You won’t be able to purchase them at the park.”
Woman: “Right, you’re just sold out of advance tickets. That’s okay; I’ll just get them there.”
Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we are sold out of ALL tickets. That means there are NONE available when you get there.”
Woman: “But I can still go, right? I just won’t have a ticket?”
Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t attend Mickey’s Not-So-Scary Halloween Party without a ticket, and we do not have any tickets available.”
Woman: “Fine, I’ll get my tickets when I get to the park.”
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Customer: “I’m looking for the Boston Zagat Restaurant guide; do you have a local interest section that would have it?”
(We’re in Philadelphia.)
Me: “No. Boston isn’t local. The restaurant guide would be with the rest of the Boston travel books.”
Customer: “Well, there aren’t any on the shelf.”
Me: “We must be out of stock. I could order it for you.”
Customer: “No. Are there any local stores around here that would have it?”
Me: “Boston is not local. Maybe you should wait until you go to Boston and buy it there.”
Customer: “Good idea.”
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