Archive for 2007

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Kill Them With Kindness

| | Right | December 27, 2007

Me: “Thank you for calling C** Technologies, how can I help?”

Customer, very irate: “Yeah! I didn’t pay my internet bill and now its saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”

Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account and you would like to know why?”

Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”

Me: “Alright, let me take a look here…my system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”

Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f**king sympathy here! Are you customer service??”

Me: “I’m tech support.”

Customer: “Where is customer service at?!?”

Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues, I’ll transfer you down to them.”

Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”

Me, in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up: “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”

Customer: “WHATS YOUR F**KING NA–” *click*

(Gotta love that transfer button…)

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Age Ain’t Nothin’ But A Number

| | Right | December 26, 2007

(Yet another power cord/paint dispenser story…)

Me: “Okay, it’s not plugged in.”

Him: “It’s plugged in–it goes right to the back of the computer!”

Me: “No, that’s a serial cable, not a power cable.”

Him: “What’s this orange one then?”

Me: “That connects the computer to the network. It’s also not a power cable and doesn’t connect to the dispenser anyway. The one for the dispenser is black and has a three-prong plug on the end.”

Him: “Listen to me, young lady, I have been on this earth for 56 years and I know what a power cord looks like!”

Me: “Yes, well, I’ve been on this earth 34 years and I know that some things have to be plugged into an outlet to work.”

Him:

Me:

Him: “Oh. There it is. Okay, it’s working now. Thanks.”

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Playing Along

, | | Right | December 26, 2007

Me: “Welcome to *** Pizza, how can I help you?”

Customer (sincerely): “Do you have any Chinese food?”

Me: “Errr…no.”

Customer (still earnest): “Ohhh…really? What about Thai food?”

Me: “Oh! Yes.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

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When Religions Collide

| | Right | December 25, 2007

(This is after we’re all done with our transaction. I’m half-Jewish, so I celebrate Hanukkah, which was currently going on.)

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am.”

Customer: “Merry Christmas!”

Me, completely sincere: “And Happy Hanukkah to you!”

Customer: *flails her arms and screams happily* “No it’s about Jesus! It’s Jesus’s birthday! You have to worship Jesus! It’s all about Jesus! Love Jesus!”

Related:
When Generations Collide

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Sticking To Your Guns

| | Right | December 25, 2007

*customer hands over a tree skirt for her Christmas tree*

Customer: “Thats all! And I have a coupon…”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but it appears that the tree skirt is already on sale, so you can’t use the coupon.”

Customer: “Really? It doesn’t say anywhere that it’s on sale.”

Me: “Well, the ad that the coupon comes in also says that ‘All Christmas decorations’ are on sale for 30% off. Your coupon is for 40% off, so its not that big of a difference. It says on the coupon that you cannot use it on sale items…”

Customer: “Can’t you just give me the regular price and discount it with the coupon?”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re only losing out on…6 dollars. I really don’t want to lose my job over your 6 dollars.”

Customer: “I BELIEVE I’M BEING CHEATED! I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!”

*customer comes back 2 hours later to buy the exact same tree skirt*

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