Archive for 2007

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No Problem, We Have A Cow Out Back

| | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to xxxx! Can I get you something to drink?”

Elderly Customer: *pounds fists on table* “I WANT BEEF!”

Me: “O…k… If you’re ready to order, I could get you our Open-Faced Roast Beef Entree?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t care, I just want beef!”

Me: “Okay…” *sighs*

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… And This Is Before He Got Buzzed

| | Right | November 13, 2007

Winemaker: “…as you taste this pinot you might notice flavors like cherry, vanilla, and roasted meat.”

Taster: “Wow, yeah! That’s amazing. Do you put all that stuff right in the barrels?”

Winemaker: “Ummm…no. Wine is only the fermented juice of the grapes. Those flavors come from the soil…”

Taster: “Oh I see. So you bury it all around the plants.”

Taster’s Girlfriend: “Honey, we should go.”

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Flight Of The Vagaries

| | Right | November 13, 2007

Lady: “I’m looking for a book; I don’t remember the name, but it has a green cover.”

Me: *pointing to shelf* “All of our green books are over there.”

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Please, Tell Me About Myself

, | | Right | November 13, 2007

Customer (holding aloft pen): “How long will this pen last?”

Me: “Depends how often you use it.”

Customer: “How often is that?”

(I really didn’t know what to say)

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Freak Out At The Check Out

| | Right | November 13, 2007

Me: “And how would you like to pay for that today?”

Customer: “Debit.”

Me: “Okay, the stripe faces me.”

(She swipes card with the stripe facing her; tries again)

Customer: “Sh*t. Sh*t!!”

(The register times out)

Me: “Hold on; okay, try again. Stripe goes toward me.”

(She finally swipes the card successfully)

Customer: “Where’s the ‘OK’ button?” *pushes the green sticker below the ‘OK’ button*

Me: “It’s the green button.”

(She figures out how to press the button, but then incorrectly types her pin number)

Customer: “Oh God! Oh God, oh my God! SH*T!”

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