Archive for 2007

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Psst … The Sun Gives You Cancer too

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(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register)

Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”

Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”

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Taking This Out Of Context Could Be Bad

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(Hanging by the coffee dispenser)

Campus police officer 1 to campus police officer 2: “I smell bacon, is that you?”

Bird Brained

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Me: “Hello, telephone orders.”

Customer: “Hi, I’ve just seen a bird in my back garden.”

Me: “That’s very nice madam. Would you like to place an order?”

Customer: “It’s kind of a black and white colour, and quite large…”

Me: “Okay, Madam. Did you want to place an order with us today?”

Customer: “What type of bird do you think it is? It’s very unusual.”

Me: “Erm, I’m afraid I can’t help you Madam. I’m just a call center operative.”

Customer: “But don’t you know about birds? Aren’t you the RSPB (Royal Society for the Protection of Birds)?”

Me: “No Madam. We’re just a trading company.”

Customer: “Well, my brochure says RSPB on it.”

Me: “That’s correct. [But] we’re a trading company. We have lots of different charity catalogues. You actually need to call the RSPB Head Office.”

Customer: “But it says on this catalogue that you are the RSPB. Surely you must be able to tell me what type of bird it is. It’s so pretty. Oh, oh, oh ….. oh dear, I thought it was going to fly off then. Stay little birdy. Don’t go away. Good birdy.”

Me: “So would you like the number for the RSPB then?”

Customer: “So who are you?”

(This goes on and on and on, with intermittent monologue about what the bird is actually doing and what she’s fed it)


For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive Itself

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Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”

Me: (Wasn’t sure if she was serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Umm…take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”

Honesty Is Always The Best Policy =P

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Customer 1: “… ah, okay. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “That’s what I’m here for.”

Customer 2: “I need help…”

Me: “… and that is how it’s done.”

Customer 2: “That was simple. You made me feel dumb.”

Me: “That’s what I’m here… I mean…” (I didn’t know what to say from there)

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