Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”
Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”
Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”
Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”
Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”
Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”
Little Boy: “What are those?”
Zookeeper: “That’s a Cavy.”
(Cavies are another name for guinea pigs.)
Little Boy’s Father: “No, they’re not. They’re Jack-a-lopes. But I don’t see any antlers, so they must all be does.”
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Me: “Would you like half and half?”
Hippy Woman: “Oh no! Soy, please. Humans aren’t supposed to drink milk you know. Haven’t you noticed we’re the only species that drinks the milk of another species?”
Customer: *looking at batteries* “My friend asked me to pick her up some D batteries, but I’m not sure which ones to get.”
(Customer holds up a package with 10 D batteries in it and a package with 12 D batteries in it.)
Customer: “What’s the difference between 10D and 12D? I don’t want to get the wrong ones.”
Lady: “Hi, I was wondering if I could return some rotten milk? Or get it replaced, or a refund or something.”
Me: “Well, when did you buy it?”
Lady: “A week ago.”
Me: “Okay, when did it expire?”
Lady: “Yesterday.”
Me: “So, you bought it before the expiration date, then it expired. Correct?”
Lady: “Um, yeah, I guess so…”
Me: “We can’t return that, then.”
Lady: “WHAT THE F***! ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME?!”
Me: “Are you serious? You bought it before it expired, kept it until AFTER it expired, and now want to return it?”
Lady: “WELL YOU HAVE A NICE F****** DAY!”
Me: “You too, ma’am.”
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