Archive for 2007

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That’s Nothing A Little Duct Tape Can’t Fix

, , | | Right | November 11, 2007

Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”

Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”

Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”

Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”

Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”

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It’s Not My Fault, Even Though It Is

| | Right | November 10, 2007

Lady: “Hi, I was wondering if I could return some rotten milk? Or get it replaced, or a refund or something.”

Me: “Well, when did you buy it?”

Lady: “A week ago.”

Me: “Okay, when did it expire?”

Lady: “Yesterday.”

Me: “So, you bought it before the expiration date, then it expired. Correct?”

Lady: “Um, yeah, I guess so…”

Me: “We can’t return that, then.”

Lady: “WHAT THE *%!*?! ARE YOU *%!*ING KIDDING ME?!”

Me: “Are you serious? You bought it before it expired, kept it until AFTER it expired, and now want to return it?”

Lady: “WELL YOU HAVE A NICE *%!*ING DAY.”

Me: “You too, ma’am.”

Source

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How Do These People Remember How To Breathe?

, | | Right | November 10, 2007

(Older lady comes in, doesn’t know me, yet decides to make me intimately knowledgeable about her husband’s surgery; she eventually runs out of steam when I don’t respond and looks around at the books on the shelves)

Lady: “I like books.”

Me: “Good! Anything you’re looking for?”

Lady: *ignores my question* “I saw on TV that books are good to have because they make your house look nice.”

Me: *barely stifling a smile* “Really? I heard they’re also good to read.”

Lady: (Evidently, my comment goes right over her) “And you can use them to prop up the bed.”

(Her husband buys books, and then swiftly escorts her out)

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Casting An Extra Super Duper Ginormously Wide Net

, | | Right | November 10, 2007

Me, on the phone: “Thank you for calling Hollister, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a specific shirt, I was wondering if you have it?”

Me: “Ok, can you describe it?”

Customer: “Well it’s blue, and it says “Hollister’ on it.”

Me: “Riiiiiiigghhht.”

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Hopeless

, , | | Right | November 9, 2007

(A customer comes up behind my counter just as I am about to serve another customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but why isn’t this WA Salvage?”

Me: “Because all the WA Salvages closed down and we bought the building.”

Customer: “So where’s the nearest one?”

Me: “Uh, they’ve all been bought out.”

Customer I was serving: “Mate, there aren’t anymore. They all closed down!”

Customer: “So wheres the nearest one?”

(I gave him a bad look, turned around, and continued serving the original customer)

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