Archive for 2007

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Maybe If You Click Your Heels Three Times

| | Right | November 25, 2007

Me: “Welcome to the Award Winning XXXXXX, How may I help you?”

Potential Guest on the Phone: “I would like a room.”

Me: “And when would you be arriving sir?”

Guest: “Huh?”

Me: “When do you want the room?”

Guest: “Oh! Tonight…”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we are completely booked tonight, would you like me to provide the number of a nearby establishment?”

Guest: “You got no rooms? Can’t you just give me one of the emergency rooms?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t have any rooms like that, we sell our rooms until we are out. We don’t keep any rooms for ’emergencies.'”

Guest: “Oh, you have suites too don’t you?”

Me: “Yes, we do, but we are completely booked, so there are no rooms available, every kind.”

Guest: “No rooms?”

Me: “No rooms.”

Guest: “No Suites?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we have no rooms of any kind, Suite or otherwise, now unless you want to book a room for another night, I am going to have to hang up.”

Guest: “No rooms?”


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Overlord PX53A-Z Is Not Pleased

| | Right | November 25, 2007

(A woman gets frustrated after I switch out for a co-worker to go on break on Black Friday)

Woman Customer: “Ugh! That is so frustrating! Why didn’t she wait to leave until I was finished?”

Me: “Ma’am, she’s been here since 3:45 this morning, and she needed a break. Plus, we’re not robots.”

Woman Customer: “Good. I hate robots.”

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(Telepathic) Help Wanted

| | Right | November 24, 2007

Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

Customer: “No, I want it full sized.”

Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

(Customer storms out)

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Nonsense Be Thy Name

| | Right | November 24, 2007

(Teleconferencing with a client about a commercial I edited for him)

Client: “I don’t like the music you picked. Do you have anything else?”

Me: “The order said you wanted your jingle in the spot. It’s the one you had the radio stations send us…”

Client: *interrupts* “Yeah, yeah. We gotta have the jingle. I just don’t like the music that goes with it.”

Me: “So you want the jingle without the music?”

Client: “Yeah. Like, and can you take the singing out of there? Like, the music too, can you just edit it out?”

Me: “I don’t think I understand. You want me to edit the jingle so there’s no music or singing?”

Client: “Yeah. I mean you guys can do stuff like that can’t you? Like, with the computers you got?”

Me: “We can’t really, um, do it like that. If you don’t want the jingle sung, we could have the [jingle’s hook] read in the voiceover.”

Client: “No, that won’t work. You can’t just read it. We gotta have the melody in there with it.”

Me: *loathes his career choice*

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Kids, This Is Why You Stay In School

, | | Right | November 23, 2007

Customer: “I’d like 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: “Do you mean two packages?”

Customer: “No, I want 5 pork chops, wrapped in twos.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: *heavy sigh* “5 chops, wrapped 2, 2 and 1. See, wrapped in twos.”

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