Archive for 2007

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For The Money I Pay, It Should Drive Itself

, , | | Right | November 15, 2007

Customer: “Hi, I have a Mercedes. How do I adjust my rear view mirror?”

Me: (Not sure if she is serious) “Well, you must manually adjust your rear view mirror.”

Customer: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Umm… take your hand and move the mirror so you can see.”

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Honesty Is Always The Best Policy

, , | | Right | November 15, 2007

Customer #1: “Ah… okay. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “That’s what I’m here for.”

Customer #2: “I need help…”

Me: “…and that is how it’s done.”

Customer #2: “That was simple. You made me feel dumb.”

Me: “That’s what I’m here… I mean…” (I didn’t know what to say from there)

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Someone Needs To Get Out More

, | | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Emergency veterinary clinic, how can I help you?”

Caller: *worried female voice* “My dog has a red thing on him.”

Me: “Is it actively bleeding?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where is it located?”

Caller: “On his tummy.”

Me: “Can you describe it to me? How large is it? Does it look more like a cut, a rash or an abrasion?”

Caller: “It looks like a little stick of lipstick.”

Me: “That’s his p****.”

Caller: *hangs up*

Source

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No Problem, We Have A Cow Out Back

, , | | Right | November 14, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Can I get you something to drink?”

Elderly Customer: *pounds fists on table* “I WANT BEEF!”

Me: “O… k… If you’re ready to order, I could get you our [Roast Beef Entree]?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t care. I just want beef!”

Me: “Okay…” *sighs*

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… And This Is Before He Got Buzzed

| | Right | November 13, 2007

Winemaker: “…as you taste this pinot you might notice flavors like cherry, vanilla, and roasted meat.”

Taster: “Wow, yeah! That’s amazing. Do you put all that stuff right in the barrels?”

Winemaker: “Ummm…no. Wine is only the fermented juice of the grapes. Those flavors come from the soil…”

Taster: “Oh I see. So you bury it all around the plants.”

Taster’s Girlfriend: “Honey, we should go.”

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