Archive for 2007

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The Return Of Captain Obvious

, | | Right | November 21, 2007

Customer in an ice cream shop: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”

Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smarta**.”

Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”

Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream … with caramel … and cashews.”

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Well, That Came Out Of Nowhere

, | | Right | November 21, 2007

(Two middle-aged women walk into the store)

Woman 1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”

Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”

(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand)

Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”

Woman 2: “You’re an animal.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman 2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”

Me: “Alright then.”

Woman 2 (to Woman 1): “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”

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Shhhh, They’re Listening Right Now!

| | Right | November 20, 2007

Me: “**** University, how my I help you?”

Phone client: “What is this about you recording my call? Are you guys working for CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service)?”

Me: “No sir, we record some calls in order to ensure the quality of our service. What can I do for you today?”

Phone client: “Are you recording my call right now?”

Me: “I don’t know sir. Management records call randomly.”

*Hangs up*

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Why Asking Why Is A Bad Idea

, | | Right | November 20, 2007

Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, let’s see, I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”

Customer: “…okay.”

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Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota

, , | | Right | November 19, 2007

Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only [Other Sandwich Shop] has pineapple.”

Customer: “Yes, you do! I always get pineapple here!”

Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!”

Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer speaks to my manager: “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?”

Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!”

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