Customer: “What’s in the Chocolate Caramel Cashew?”
Me: “There’s really no way for me to answer that without sounding like a smart-a**.”
Customer: “Why? What’s in it?”
Me: “It’s chocolate ice cream… with caramel… and cashews.”
(Two middle-aged women walk into the store.)
Woman #1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”
Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”
(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand.)
Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”
Woman #2: “You’re an animal.”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Woman #2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”
Me: “All right, then.”
Woman #2: *to [Woman #1]* “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”
Customer: “Oh, and could I also get a glass of milk?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell milk.”
Customer: “Why not?”
Me: “Well, let’s see. I could make up a reason involving the phrase ‘health codes,’ I could act dumb and just get the manager, or I could just be a total jerk about it, but at the end of the day, you’re still not gonna get a glass of milk, so how about we just skip that whole thing?”
Customer: “…okay.”
Me: “[University], how may I help you?”
Phone client: “What is this about you recording my call? Are you guys working for CSIS (Canadian Security Intelligence Service)?”
Me: “No, sir, we record some calls in order to ensure the quality of our service. What can I do for you today?”
Phone client: “Are you recording my call right now?”
Me: “I don’t know, sir. Management records calls randomly.”
*Hangs up*
Customer: “I’d like pineapple on my sub.”
Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have pineapple. Only [Other Sandwich Shop] has pineapple.”
Customer: “Yes, you do! I always get pineapple here!”
Me: “I’ve worked here for quite a while, and we’ve never had it. Sorry!”
Customer: “Excuse me, the customer is always right! You can’t argue with me!”
Me: “Um…”
Customer: *to my manager* “Excuse me, your employee is arguing with me! What are you going to do about it?”
Manager: “Don’t be so stupid! Get out of my store!”
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