Archive for 2007

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You Be Telepathic So I Can Be Lazy

| | Right | December 6, 2007

Customer: “I need a door.”

Me: “What kind of door?”

Customer: “You’re the professional!”

Me: “…”

Me: “Where are you going while passing through this door, and where are you leaving?”

Customer: “Garage from the kitchen.”

Me: “Great, and what size is the door that’s there now?”

Customer: “They make them in different sizes?”

*throws self out window*

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There’s A Nut, But It’s Not In The Pistachio

| | Right | December 5, 2007

Customer: “What kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “…you can’t be serious.”

Customer: “No, really, what kind of nut is in the pistachio?”

Me: “Pistachio.”

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Ah, The Magic of Pavlov

| | Right | December 5, 2007

(We have a clock at the wild animal park that chimes every 15 minutes. A guest walked up to my ticket booth and asked me a question…)

Guest: “What do those chimes mean?”

Me: “Those tell us what time it is.”

Guest: “Oh. Does that mean we have to leave the park?”

Me: (I’m trying really hard not to laugh) “No. It’s only noon and the park closes at 8pm.”

This Is What Hell Is Like

| | Right | December 4, 2007

(I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.)

Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”

Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?”

Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.”

(Pause.)

Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???”

Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”

Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.”

Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.”

Customer: “Oh.”

Tech Support: “Now we have to start over.”

Customer: “Why?”

Tech Support: “Because you clicked ‘Cancel’.”

Customer: “Wasn’t I supposed to click ‘Cancel’?”

Tech Support: “No. Forget that. Let’s start from the top.”

Customer: “Ok.”

(I spend the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady’s unique computer.)

Tech Support: “All right. Now, are you ready to click ‘OK’?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Tech Support: “Great. Now click ‘OK’.”

(Pause.)

Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”

(And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled “BANG HEAD HERE.”)

Source

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Next On Eyewitness News: The Jigsaw Puzzle Slave Trade

| | Right | December 4, 2007

(I work in an uppity part of town where are the e-shoppers come out of their yuppie caves to shop.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: *points at a popular movie puzzle with a picture of a child playing with said puzzle* “Is the kid on the box part of this puzzle?”

Me: “Um…what?”

Customer: “Well, if the kid is part of the puzzle, I don’t want it. He has nothing to do with this movie.”

(At this point I turned around and walked to the back room where she couldn’t get me.)

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