(I work at a small, independent coffee shop. You will be surprised how often things like this happen.)
Customer: “Do you sell alcohol?”
Me: “No, we only sell coffee.”
Customer: “But it says shots on the menu.”
Me: “Espresso shots.”
Customer: “What kind of liquor is that?”
(I work in an uppity part of town where the e-shoppers come out of their yuppie caves to shop.)
Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”
Me: “How may I help you?”
Customer: *points at a popular movie puzzle with a picture of a child playing with said puzzle* “Is the kid on the box part of this puzzle?”
Me: “Um…what?”
Customer: “Well, if the kid is part of the puzzle, I don’t want it. He has nothing to do with this movie.”
(At this point I turned around and walked to the back room where she couldn’t get me.)
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(I work in a Mexican restaurant; our pico de gallo salsa is the same as our “mild.”)
Lady: “I’ll have the pico de gallo and the mild.”
Me: “Oh, well, they’re the same thing.”
Lady: “…But I want both.”
Me: “O…K…” *scoops pico de gallo* “…there’s the pico, and…” *adds another scoop* “…there’s the mild.”
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Caller: “Hello, I’d like some help!”
Me: “Sure, sir, how can I help you?”
Caller: “Well, actually I don’t have an account yet. I was wondering if I could talk or send messages to my daughter. She’s in Australia and she has an internet account.”
Me: “Yes, sir, that’s possible!”
Caller: “What do I need to do that?”
Me: “You just need a computer and a modem.”
Caller: “Hey, but I just have a FAX machine and a TV! Isn’t that enough?”
Me: *controlling the urge to burst in laughter* “I’m afraid not, sir. You’ll need a computer for sure.”
Caller: “YOU KNOW WHAT? You guys don’t wanna help me! I know your types! You just want the fat, rich customers that will buy anything you demand! You know what? You’re not the only ISP in town! Goodbye!” *click*
(One customer complains about a game that is not giving tickets. Upon looking at the game, I discover that a fuse is blown. I place several “Out of Order” stickers over the coin slot and refund the customer. Two minutes later another customer approaches.)
Customer: “I just put a coin in this game and won tickets but none came out.”
Me: “I placed an ‘Out of Order’ sticker on the coin slot. Is it not on there anymore?”
Customer: “You mean these? They were in the way so I removed them. Can I get a refund?”
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