Customer: “Hi. I need a threesis.”
Clerk: “A… pardon?
Customer: “You know– a threesis. It has other words that mean the same as the word you look up.”
Clerk: “Oh, do you mean a thesaurus?”
Customer: “Duh! That’s a dinosaur! I need a threesis!”
(I go to a table of four, a mom and dad and two kids who are ready to order.)
Husband: “How big are your pizzas?”
Me: “They are ten-inch pizzas, sir.”
Husband: “Well how big is ten inches?”
(And before I can answer, the wife chimes in.)
Wife: “You wouldn’t know anything about ten inches, dear.”
(I stood there for a moment with my mouth open, before I ran to the wait station and started laughing hysterically.)
This story is part of our Bickering Couple roundup!
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Student: “So, like, um, you wrote on my paper that I wrote like, I, like spoke… but you only gave me two out of ten points.
Me: “You used ‘like’ 56 times and ‘that’ 87.”
Student: “Um, why is that a problem?”
Me: “It was a two-page writing assignment.”
Student: “So… um… since I talked with you, um… can I have some more points?”
(A hospital calls to order pizza.)
Manager: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place], would you like to try the Superhero Special?”
Customer: “What’s that?”
Manager: “It’s an extra-large, three-topping pizza that comes with a coupon for the Spiderman 3 DVD.”
Customer: “…the pizza’s delivered by Spiderman!?”
This story is part of our Junk Food Day roundup!
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(A woman walks in totally nude and grabs a muffin. She has a large, rather offensive tattoo from her bottom rib up her neck.)
Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take those…”
Nudist: “Why, because of the tattoo?”
Me: “No, because you need to pay for it first.”
Nudist: “It’s a free country!” *walks out*
(I ended up pulling out my wallet and paying for it myself because getting arrested for chasing a nude chick down the street is not worth it.)
This story is part of our Nudity roundup!
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