Data Error

(I take escalated calls for a major cell phone provider.)

Customer: “I want to know exactly how much data five gigabytes gets me, and no one will help me!”

Me: “I understand you’re frustrated, but the term ‘gigabytes’ is a unit of measurement. There is no way to be more specific.”

Customer: “Yes, there is! I want to know exactly how much five gigabytes is — how much Internet it gives me.”

Me: “Are you asking in terms of time, or in terms of website size? Because that really depends on how you use it.”

Customer: “No, I want to know how much Internet it gives me. I ain’t telling you what I look up, you Asian b****!”

(I am not Asian, but whatever.)

Me: “Sir, you are along the equivalent of ‘If I buy a gallon of milk, how many sips will I get?’. I can tell you how many kilobytes—”

Customer: “I have a $500 bill, and I want that credited, since you don’t speak English, you foreign w****!”

(I’m an American.)

Me: “Sir, perhaps I don’t understand the question. What unit of measurement would you like me to use?”

Customer: “I don’t know. What do you measure data in?”

Me: “Are you serious with me right now?”

Customer: *hangs up*