A Very Complicated Pre-Op

(I am a 26-year-old man, waiting for a tonsil operation. I am in the waiting room with my friend, who is 20.)

Friend: “Hey [My Name], I need to go and get some pretzels. Where are they?”

Me: “Second turn, cafeteria.”

(My friend gets up. My name is called. As I go to surgery, the doctor starts asking questions.)

Doctor: “Right, [My Unisex Name], this is the routine checkup?”

Me: “No, an operation on my tonsils.”

Doctor: “And your birth date is [month and day], 1997?”

Me: “No. I was born in 1987.”

Doctor: *looks at me curiously* “Erm, just give me a minute.”

(I see the doctor open the door and goes out. My friend is coming back as he goes out. I assume he goes up and tells her I’m in an operation because I hear them talking. I wait about 10 more minutes, before a security guard comes in.)

Security Guard: “Mr. [My Surname]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Security Guard: “I have reason to believe you have used someone else’s details. Or that you HAVEN’T stolen someone else’s details, but those details are your girlfriend’s. And to add to that, because of the birth date on the list, we believe she is underage. So you tried to make an underage girl come to hospital for reasons unknown, and I have to arrest you for either identity theft or pedophilia. For your sake, you better hope it’s the first.”

Me: “Just hold it just there! That is MY name! And I have the same birth date; it’s just 87, not 97! And she’s just my friend, and she’s 20!”

(The security guard goes out and brings back a clipboard. He looks at the date on it and I look as well. The person who took my details has written 1987 so badly it looks like 1997. The hospital apologizes to me, and my friend, and I am given a tonsil operation.)