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Dampening His Scheme

, , , , | Legal | December 14, 2019

(One evening in the bookstore, I turn a corner amidst the shelves and see a man drop a paperback book down his shirt. I watch him pick up another book and do the same. When he picks up a third book, I speak up.)

Me: “Sir!”

Book Thief: *jumps*

Me: “Sir, I am going to need you to take that book out of your shirt and hand it to me.”

Book Thief: “I don’t know what you mean.”

Me: “Sir, I watched you put a book down your shirt. Take it out and give it to me.”

(The man sheepishly does so.)

Me: “And the second book, please.”

Book Thief: “The second book?”

(The books he is attempting to steal are upwards of 400 pages each. There is a visible square outline right over his stomach. I stare pointedly at it until he looks down, as well, and then I meet his eyes and repeat myself.)

Me: “The second book, please.”

(He hands it to me, even more sheepishly. Both books are slightly… damp.)

Me: “Thank you. And now I have to ask you to leave.”

Book Thief: “But I was going to buy–”

Me: “I can also call my manager, explain the situation, and have him ask you to leave.”

(The man literally ran to the exit. I had to damage out the two books that were down his shirt. My manager put “deputy” by my name on the schedule for the next week.)