Daisy, Daisy, Give Me Your Answer Threw

(We get a lot of strange customers in the relics shop where I work. Most of them are older people who just have too much money and don’t know what to do with all of it, so they decide to spend it on expensive cannonballs and things of that nature. When we get a REALLY weird customer in, we write down their name and what they did.)

Older Woman: *picking up various bullets, shells, and other old things*

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Older Woman: *almost blissful smile* “No, thank you, I’m just listening to their stories.”

Me: “Their stories?”

Older Woman: *suddenly grimacing as she picks up one particular shell* “Yes, dear, they speak to me and tell me what they’ve seen. I only buy the ones that tell really good stories!”

Me: *slowly backing up as this woman is actually starting to scare me with the faces she’s making but still trying to look interested* “Oh, okay, then. Let me know if you need any help!”

Older Woman: *suddenly throwing a twelve pound cannonball across the room with incoherent screeching*

Me: *running back to the desk to grab the pepper spray if she becomes violent* “MA’AM, PLEASE DON’T THROW THINGS IN THE STORE!”

Older Woman: *now calm* “Sorry, dear, that one just frightened me. All it did was scream.”

Me: “Oookaaayyyy…”

Older Woman: *bringing something which I can’t identify beyond ‘twisted piece of rusted metal’* “This one sings quite nicely. I’d like to take it home.”

Me: *glad she’s finally leaving* “Will that be all for you today?”

Older Woman: *paying and leaving* “Yes, dear, thank you very much!”

Me: *turning to coworker who has worked here for twenty some years* “What just happened?!”

Coworker: “Oh, that was Daisy. She’s a bit on the odd side. You’ll see her at least two more times before this summer is over.”

Me: *resigning to the insanity* “I’m writing my letter of resignation to give [Boss] as soon as I see Daisy walk in the door again.”