Dairy And Gluten And Soy, Oh My!

(My roommates and I are all engineering students: four guys and one girl. Our habits are anything but normal, but the girl is a very special mix of health issues and beliefs. She has gluten, soy, and lactose allergies that can result in full anaphylactic shock, yet was a ‘vegan’/Wicca hippie flower child and party girl. We are all stressed with upcoming tests, when she comes back from clubbing and starts running into our rooms spraying vinegar on the windows and burning incense.)

Female Roommate: “Move, move, move. We are under attack by evil spirits! I have to cleanse the house.”

Roommate #1: “Out of my room or I will throw cheese at you!”

Roommate #2: “Could we make a barricade of bread to repel her?”

Me: “We could trap her in a ring of milk!”

Female Roommate: *screaming* “I am not a Demon! Don’t trap me in a salt ring!”

Roommate #1: *from kitchen* “We said milk. Should we use soy? We don’t have real milk.”

Me: “Either would work against her!”

Female Roommate: “Well, when the dark spirits come you can’t say I didn’t try!”