Dad’s Pilot Light Has Clearly Been Out For A While

One morning, the whole house was cold. I did not think much of it since it was December, but then my mom informed me that she had no hot water in the shower. I checked the tap, and sure enough, there was no hot water and no banging of the pipes as they expanded.

By the time I was certain, my dad had also awoken. He and I went to the basement to check the furnace. I had the cover off of the unit by the time my dad had caught up… with a bucket in hand. I took a peek and confirmed what my ears had already told me: the pilot was out. Having never done this myself — I was twelve at the time — I stepped back and reviewed the instructions on the unit.

While I was doing this, I heard a squeak and a splash. I turned and saw that my dad was bleeding the pipes.

Me: “Dad, that’s not going to help.”

Dad: “We just need to do this for a while.”

Me: “No, the pilot is out.”

Dad: “Yep.”

He moved the bucket and bled a different pipe.

Me: “…”

After he closed that pipe, I grabbed him by the head and directed him to the furnace.

Me: “There is. No. Fire!“

Dad: “Yeah. Got it.”

He then moved the bucket again and started on a new pipe.

Me: “We need a match!“

Dad: “No, no. This will take care of it.”

I gave up at that point and went back to reading. After I was certain I had the procedure down, I went back upstairs and got a utility lighter. I returned, lighter in hand, about to begin the process, when my dad pulled it out of my hands.

Dad: “You do it like this!“

And he bled another pipe.

I was officially done. I sat on the spot and waited for this miracle he was promising from the front row. I sat there for twenty-three minutes (yes, I counted) before he concluded that he needed a plumber.

When the plumber got there, he glanced at the furnace very briefly.

Plumber: “Your pilot’s out. Got a lighter?”

Dad: “What? No, it’s in the pipes.”

Plumber: “Oh? Well, I’ll check that, but we need to light this, too.”

My dad still had our lighter tucked away and refused to admit it was necessary, so the plumber went back to his truck to get his lighter. Of course, there was nothing wrong with the pipes.

And my dad learned nothing because he tried this again years later. At least the second time, I waited until he left and was able to light it faster than he could get to the phone and dial.