Cutting Caffeine Is Baby Steps

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2018

(I’m ringing up a regular customer, an old-school hippie type. He’s very, very chatty and emphatic, so I’ve been making small talk with him. He’s in his late fifties or sixties, and I’m a twenty-year-old woman.)

Customer: “Oh, and do you have any free samples of the yerba mate tea?”

Me: “Yeah, we’ve still got a few left. Which flavor would you like?”

Customer: “Dark roast! Hey, can I take a couple? My friend is quitting coffee so I want her to try some!”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

Customer: “Yeah, these are great for if you’re quitting coffee, or even just cutting back! It’s still got caffeine, but it’s way less harsh on your body than coffee!”

Me: “Huh, maybe I should try it. I probably drink too much coffee.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, you totally should! Coffee is just so hard on your body! You know, you should just think about your eggs, the babies you’re going to have! Right now they don’t exist; they’re floating around in some netherworld, waiting for you! They’re hoping you take care of your body, so you can carry them safely!”

Me: “…”

(The customer grins wildly and enthusiastically as he packs up his groceries, completely unaware that he might have broken some boundary.)

Me: *awkward pause* “I really like the taste of coffee, though! Have a great day!”

(Pro tip: unless you’re her gynecologist, her mother, or her long-term partner, maybe don’t start chatting to women about their wombs!)

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