Customer Has Much Room For Improvement

(A guest approaches the front desk of the hotel where I work.)

Guest: “I need to change rooms!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Which room are you in?”

Guest: “220. It’s much too small! I need a bigger room!”

Me: “Ah… Well, I’m afraid that all of our rooms are the same size. There aren’t any that are larger.”

Guest: “No, I stayed in room 315 last month, and it was much bigger!”

Me: “315 has a single King bed. 220 has two Queen beds. Same size room, just with different furniture. If you want, I can change you to a single King room…”

Guest: “No, I need the two beds. I just need a bigger room!”

Me: “Unfortunately, we don’t have any larger rooms.”

Guest: “Well, what do you have that is bigger?”

Me: “Um… As I just said, we don’t have any larger rooms.”

Guest: “Well, can you move me to the top floor, then? The rooms are bigger up there.”

Me: “Yes, I can move you, but the rooms are still the same size.”

Guest: “Do you have any that are the same size as 315? Only not on that side of the building.”

Me: “I can put you in 320, the room directly above yours.”

Guest: “No, that’s going to be the same size as the one I’m in.”

Me: “They’re all that size. As I have been telling you.”

Guest: “Well, put me someplace else, then.”

Me: “I don’t have any other rooms that are on the third floor, have two Queen beds, and are on that side of the building. 320 is the only one.”

Guest: “No, I don’t want that room. When will one of the other rooms be available?”

Me: “There aren’t any other rooms. That is the only room. 320 is the only other room that has what you want.”

Guest: “Is it bigger than the one I am in?”

Me: “It is the same size.”

Guest: “But I need a bigger room!”

(I later found out that the manager had had practically the same exact conversation with the guest, six hours earlier. She additionally demanded a cheaper rate from him for getting “the smallest room in the hotel.” She is staying with us for an entire month. Please help.)