CSI Has A Lot To Answer For

A patron hurries up to our helpdesk with a CD in her hand.

Patron: “I was told you could help me. I have a video from my security camera, and I need to get a license plate of a car that destroyed my mailbox.”

Me: “That’s not a service we normally provide, but let me get you set up on one of our computers, and let’s see what we can do.

I get her set up and logged in, and we play the video from her CD. The resolution is TERRIBLE, and we can barely make out the make of the car, let alone the license plate.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t help you with this.”

Patron: “Can’t you zoom and enhance?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Patron: “Zoom and enhance! Like they do on CSI.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a TV show. It isn’t real.”

Patron: “You’re just being lazy! They can see things off of eyeballs! This should be easy!”

She’s referring to a much-ridiculed scene from the show where the characters zoom into an eyeball on camera and can see a crime being committed from the eyeball reflection.

Me: “Ma’am, I know what you’re referring to, but it’s made up for TV. That stuff isn’t possible with your camera. Your resolution is just too low.”

Patron: “Then show me how to be more resolute! Push the button to make more resolution!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, that’s impossible.”

Patron: “Is it because the shot doesn’t have any eyeballs?”