Croaked Before It Could Croak

(I am the mother of a nine-year-old boy. We have switched to homeschooling and are raising a few tadpoles for a science project. Unfortunately, when changing the water, I spill a tadpole into the sink, directly down the garbage disposal.)

Me: “Oh, no!”

(My son hears, and comes running to the kitchen.)

Son: “What, mommy?! What’s wrong?”

Me: “Uh, I lost one of the tadpoles when I poured out some of the dirty water. But don’t worry; I’ll rinse him down the pipes and he’ll make it to the ocean!”

Son: “No! No! Get him back, Mommy! I miss him, Mommy; I miss him!”

(My son starts crying.)

Me: “I can’t; I don’t have a fishing net. But don’t worry; he’ll follow the pipes to the ocean. It’s not far from here!”

Son: “Mommy, tadpoles live in lakes, not the ocean.”

Me: “Uh, well, there’s Clear Lake! That’s on the way to the ocean; he can live there!”

(This seems to satisfy him for awhile, until the next morning.)

Son: “Mommy, I only have three tadpoles now. I had four, and now I have three.”

(He goes over to the whiteboard in our home-school room and begins to write ‘4 – 1 = 3.’)

Son: “See, Mommy? Four minus one, equals three. I want another tadpole, Mommy!”

(This goes on and off for several days, with him either lamenting his lost tadpole, or demanding a replacement.)

Son: “Mommy, which drain did you lose the tadpole in? The garbage disposal one or the normal one?”

Me: “The normal one, honey, why?”

(I am totally lying, as I can guess what’s coming.)

Son: “Oh! Good, Mommy, good! Then he will make it to the ocean! If he’d been in the garbage disposal, he would have been all chewed up!”

(Why he suddenly became aware of the garbage disposal and agrees that tadpoles can live in the ocean, I don’t know and I don’t care. I have been and will continue to be very careful with the remaining three tadpoles. I just wish they’d hurry up and become frogs!)