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Creepers Of The Corn

, , , | Right | May 19, 2022

I’m a born and raised city girl. The bank branch I’m working at is in the middle of the country. One day, a customer walks in with two buckets, drops them on our floor, and announces:

Customer #1: “FREE CORN!”

My supervisor and coworker come running out and start picking these GIANT ears of corn out of one of the buckets. I stare at both in confusion.

Customer #1: *Gestures to me* “Are you new?”

Me: “I just transferred out here from [City].”

Customer #1: “Oh! Then you don’t know. During harvest season, I usually have extra sweet corn. I like to bring it to some of the businesses around town. You’d better grab some before these two take it all.”

My supervisor laughs.

Boss: “Guilty! Seriously, [My Name], it’s good. You’d better take some.”

I pick out a few ears, take them home, and eat them with my dinner. They are REALLY good — no missing kernels, no bugs. A few days later, [Customer #1] is in the branch, making a deposit. [Customer #2] walks in.

Customer #1: “So, what did you ladies think of the corn?”

Me: “It was fantastic.”

Coworker: “Great as always!”

Customer #1: “Glad to hear it! If I have any more extras, I’ll bring them over.”

[Customer #2] comes to my desk. He’s a regular and a little creepy.

Customer #2: “You like sweet corn?”

Coworker: “Sure! We love it.”

Customer #2: “My nephew grows it, too, and I’m sure he’d be happy to send some to a pretty girl.”

He’s still staring at me.

Me: “I’m sure we’d all enjoy it.”

Coworker: “That’s right, we would.”

Customer #2: “I’ll bring it over later.”

He does just that. It’s not as pretty as [Customer #1]’s, but we still take some to be polite. I take it home and start shucking it. Out pop several large and LIVE winged bugs. I shriek and launch it into the trash. I douse the area in cleaner, double-bag the garbage bag, and take the bag outside. The next day, [Customer #2] returns.

Customer #2: “So, what did you think of my nephew’s corn?”

Coworker: “I haven’t tried it yet.”

I pretend to be very engrossed in my computer. Unfortunately…

Customer #2: “And what did you think, [My Name]?”

Me: “Uh… well, I had to throw it out. There were large bugs in mine.”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s normal. Little extra protein. My nephew doesn’t use pesticides. That’s organic corn. I thought you prissy city girls liked that kind of stuff.”

Me: “City girls don’t like large winged bugs flying out of their food.”

[Customer #2] huffs and walks out.

Coworker: “…live bugs?”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “I’m not eating that.”

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