Craig Needs To Have A Word With That One

(I’ve been looking to rent a room or find a roommate to rent with, so I’ve posted an ad to Craigslist. Due to getting endless offers from guys who seem to not be able to understand what “female only” means, and feeling like I’m being harassed, I’ve had to get extremely explicit and repetitive in stating I’m absolutely unwilling to live with men in any way, shape, or form, and unwilling to live with any female roommates with boyfriends who ever stay overnight or hang around excessively. It’s not due to religion; I’m atheist. I just have strong comfort preferences for roommates. Let’s face it: boyfriends who sleep over or hang around a lot ARE roommates; they just don’t pay rent or have to clean. I word it politely — for Craigslist — but quite insistently. I quickly get an email from someone whose name indicates she’s female, but it seems not actually for the purpose of offering me a room.)

Email:

“What the hell is wrong with you? Do you really hate men? You must be some crazy terrorist Muslim [slur] recluse woman! Imagine, hating all men like that! No one will ever want to sleep with you or even be friends with you with that attitude! Loser!

And how dare you even state anything that sounds like you’re trying to tell me what to do in my own house?! It’s my house! And an extremely lovely and expensive house it is! In the best part of Santa Monica! And I’ll do anything I like in it and invite whoever I like! How dare you have the gall to try to tell me what to do in my own home?! If I deign to invite you to live in my house, you are a guest and have no rights to decide anything! You must treat me deferentially! I’ll do whatever I please in my house! You must be as much of a worthless loser as you sound like! Loser!”

My Reply:

“’Guest: [standard dictionary definition, i.e. someone who stays for free.]’ So, [Woman], if you’re willing to be kind enough to allow me to live in your house completely and totally for free, I’d love to take you up on it, and of course I’ll then not ask to make any decisions at all about what goes on there. Otherwise, however, if you would in fact expect me to pay an equal share of the rent, then I’d actually not be considered a guest at all, but a proper house resident with all the rights that you’ve got. And I will very much expect anyone I live with to have just as much regard for my rules and preferences as I’m expected to for theirs.

Of course, [Woman], that certainly won’t be you, as you’ve made clear you’re a giant xenophobe and racist, and I consider myself to be quite lucky to have been so quickly and effectively warned off you, by you, yourself. Good riddance to utter trash. Don’t contact me again.”

(I blocked her email immediately after sending the reply. I always kind of wondered whether she was an utter nutter trolling random folks on Craigslist, or if she actually was a — nutty — Santa Monica homeowner with an expensive house, renting out a room. The latter isn’t out of the question, sadly, but no matter how nice the house and neighborhood, I severely pity anyone she dupes into living there. You’d have to live like a vampire to get any peace from her.)