Crafty Cousin Contrives Crude Consequence For Crazy Car Companion

, , , , , , , | Related | April 2, 2019

(I’m out driving with my cousin and aunt. My aunt is a horrible back-seat driver.)

Aunt: “The turn is coming! Get ready for the turn! It’s coming!”

Cousin: “I know where the turn is! Shh!”

Aunt: “Will you change lanes already?!”

Cousin: “Listen. Have I ever got lost driving? No! Have I accidentally ever missed a turn? Maybe once or twice, but not near enough for you to be yapping away like that. Now, zip it, or I’ll embarrass the heck out of you!”

Aunt: “You wouldn’t dare! Red light!

(The red light in question is a decent distance ahead of us and my cousin had already started to slow down before our aunt screamed. Once stopped, he looks at me in the rearview mirror with an evil grin on his face.)

Cousin: “Just wait a few minutes. We have a brief stop to make.”

Aunt: “Wait, what?” *eyes widen* “You wouldn’t!”

(My cousin just keeps grinning. After a couple of minutes of silence, he pulls into the parking lot of an adult video and toy store and rolls down the window.)

Cousin: “HEY, EVERYONE! THIS IS MY MOM, [AUNT]!”

(My aunt’s face turns bright red and she tries to duck out of view.)

Aunt: “Stop it! Get out of here! [Cousin], no!”

Cousin: “SHE’S LOOKING TO BUY ADULT PARAPHERNALIA FOR THE FIRST TIME! WE GOT A NEWBIE, HERE, BUT WHOA, IS SHE READY TO LEARN!”

(My aunt just made embarrassed whimpers and tried to hide her face while my cousin drove out of the parking lot and back on the road. My cousin had a satisfied smile on his face almost the entire way to our destination, and my aunt never tried to be a back-seat driver to him ever again.)

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