Crackers With A Pun-gent Flavor

(My wife has fired up the shower for us. I step in.)

Wife: *begins splashing me*

Me: “Augh!”

Wife: “Okay, fine, switch.”

(I am now standing under the water, but she has contrived to still splash me.)

Me: “Augh, I’m assaulted on both sides! I’m a cracker!”

Wife: “Huh?”

Me: “A-salted on both sides?”

Wife: “And also because you crack yourself up?”

(My wife then begins laughing at her own joke.)

Me: “Umm… apparently that’s NOT me…”