The Crab-Cake Is A Lie

, , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(I work as a seafood clerk at a grocery store. One day we are having a special on crab cakes so we are particularly busy. After helping more than ten people in a row, there are two customers left: an elderly woman, and a man in his mid-30s with his daughter who is no older than six. Due to the rush, I am not sure who is next.)

Me: “I can help whoever was next.”

(The woman glances over at the man, who is texting and paying no attention to me. She shrugs and approaches the counter.)

Customer #1: “Yes, I’ll have two crab cakes and one pound of popcorn shrimp, please.”

Me: “Coming right up.”

(As soon as I begin wrapping up her order, the man looks up from his cell phone.)

Customer #2: “Hey! Woah! Excuse me! I was next!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be with you as soon as I finish this order.”

Customer #2: “No, no, no! I was here first! Stop what you’re doing and take my order!”

Me: “Sir, I asked who was next and you didn’t respond. This will only take…”

Customer #2: *picks up his cart and slams it on the ground* “THIS IS BULLS***! I’ve been waiting here for twenty f****** minutes! I’m going to the front and speaking to management!”

(He grabs his daughter by the wrist and walks toward the front of the store.)

Customer #1: “Oh, my goodness. He really shouldn’t be talking like that in front of his daughter.”

Me: “No, he shouldn’t be.”

(After about ten minutes, he returns.)

Customer #2: “I just spoke to your boss. He said you have to give me four free crab cakes due to your poor customer service.”

Me: *skeptical* “Okay… let me call the front and confirm.”

Customer #2: “What? Why? I just talked to him!”

Me: “Sir, I have to get permission from my supervisor before I can give out free items.”

Customer #2: “YOU’RE UN-F****ING-BELIEVABLE! You have to be the worst—”

(I tune out his screaming and call the front desk phone.)

Boss: “[Boss] speaking.”

Me: “Hello, sir, there’s a gentleman here that says you told him he could have free crab cakes; is that correct?”

Boss: “What? H***. no! I just got back from my lunch break.”

(I turned around and the man was nowhere to be seen.)

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