Coyote Ugly Parenting

, , , , , , , | Friendly | November 28, 2018

(My mail arrives late on this summer day, somewhere around 6:00 pm. I haven’t taken more than three steps when I hear an unfamiliar sound. Part of it reminds me of a tree snapping, but it sounds too metallic. Also, there is something like a patter mixed in, along with something like heavy breathing. Curiosity gets the better of me, so I follow it next door. Less than a second after I walk past my fence, I am looking straight into the answer’s eyes, and I run back to my door. The tree and metal snapping sounds are my neighbor’s fence being torn away. The patter is digging. And the heavy breathing is coming from the coyote doing it. However, I probably look like a fool, since that thing decides to ignore me as soon as I am gone, and goes back to digging. Once I am back inside and have ensured that my dog is, as well, I go to the back of my house to try and figure out why the coyote is so determined to get in my neighbor’s backyard. That takes all of two seconds. The moment I peek out the blinds, I see my neighbor sticking her head out the window, checking on her five-year-old daughter playing in the backyard. I quickly stick my head out the window, too.)

Me: “[Neighbor]! Bring your kid in! There’s a coyote trying to get into your yard!”

Neighbor: “No, no. It’s just someone’s dog. It’s fine. We don’t have vicious dogs around here.”

Me: “Lady, I looked right at it! It’s a coyote! Get your kid out of there before it tears down your fence!”

Neighbor: “It’s not going to hurt anyone! It just wants to play nice!”

Me: “Tell that to your fence!”

Neighbor: *sighs* “Fine! [DAUGHTER]! COME INSIDE AND WASH UP!”

(Thankfully, her daughter comes right in. A few minutes later, the noises stop. I poke my head out again and see the coyote running around her backyard.)

Neighbor: “THAT’S A F****** COYOTE!”

(It went away before the police or animal control could arrive. Neither my dog nor my neighbor’s daughter were left outside unattended for a long while after that, though we’ve yet to see another coyote or any evidence of one.)

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