Cover Every Eventuality Except The Customer Being Right

(When a new Internet service is connected, customers will be sent a notification advising of their details needed to log in or configure a modem. Usually, this is sent out straight away but sometimes it gets delayed, or the customer asks for it before it gets a chance to send.)

Caller: “Hi. I got a service connected yesterday and I haven’t been sent my username and password.”

Me: “No problems. I can get that for you.”

(We go through the ID process.)

Me: “Thanks, I have your account here. Now, I can send those details to you via—”

Caller: *snarky* “Well, if you’re going to email it to me, how am I supposed to access it when I can’t even log on to my Internet?”

Me: “As I was about to say, I can send it via text message to the number you’re calling from. Or another number… or I can read it out to you to note down…”

Caller: “Oh…”

Me: *sweet as treacle* “…because most people would have the same issue, so we have a range of options to work around it for you.”

Caller: “Oh… well… Actually, I was being a little mean because I can actually access email on my phone, but I thought, ‘What if I don’t have an iPhone?’”

(By now I have sent the text message.)

Me: “Yes, well, I did wonder that. But as I said, we cover each eventuality. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: *grumpily* “No, thank you.” *click*