Countering Their Counter-Strike

Our store gets a call.

Caller: “Hello, sir, this is support services with [Video Game Creator Company].”

Instantly, of course, I know this is a scam. I adore this company and have played so many of their games. I can’t believe my luck! Of all the calls to answer!

Me: “Oh, uh… what can I do for you?”

Caller: “We’ve had reports that game keys shipped to your location may have an error that prevents them from authenticating, specifically the game Counter-Strike. We need to validate your game keys to see if you’re affected.”

Me: *Playing dumb* “Oh, what do I do?”

Caller: “Well, I just need you to open any copies of the game you have and read me the CD key on the instruction manual so I can verify them with our validation software.”

Me: “Sure thing. Can I put you on hold for a minute while I get those?”

Caller: *Obviously happy* “Sure!”

I put the scammer on hold while I call all the other area stores’ electronics departments and warn them about the scammer and confirm that nobody has taken a call like this earlier.

About fifteen minutes later, I get back to the scammer.

Me: “Thanks for holding, but I can’t find any CD keys. I looked all through the books and the packages.”

Caller: *Annoyed* “Well, sir, just open any copy of Counter-Strike and on the—”

Me: “Oh, COUNTER-STRIKE! I thought you said Counting-Strikes, that bowling game. Okay, hold on!”

Everyone in the department is listening, and we all laugh.

Ten minutes later, I’m back on the line.

Me: “Okay, I got what you’re looking for! What do you need?”

I make him walk me through how to open the box, including interrogating him for five minutes about how to do it without breaking the seal, and then pretend I can’t find the book, etc.

Finally, I’m ready to read the code!

First, I read him the UPC. This upsets him. Then, I read him a part number from something. Now, he’s livid. Finally, I ask if he means the code on the book that says, “Game key,” and has groups of four digits with dashes (like he’s said probably fifty times already) and he gets excited again.

Me: “Oh, okay, here’s the game key. F… like ‘Frank’. U… like ‘uncle’. C… like ‘cat’.”

Caller: “Sir, I don’t think that’s right. Normally, a code would—”

Me: “No, it’s F, U, C, and then K like ‘kite’. The next four are Y like ‘yesterday’… O like ‘owl’—”

He swore at me and hung up.

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