Couldn’t Be Fa(r)ther From Correct

, , , , | Related | November 9, 2020

My father is filling out an online form that requires my information. I’m in my mid-teens and he asks me to check if he has the right birthdate.

Me: “You don’t know your oldest child’s birthdate?”

Dad: “Just come check it.”

I check. It’s completely wrong.

Me: “I was born in October, not September, on the twenty-sixth, not the fifteenth, and it was in [one year later than the one he entered]! Where did you even get that date?”

Dad: “I based it off of when we bought the house.”

Me: *Half-joking* “Wow. You remember when you bought the house, but not when your oldest child was born. I see where your priorities lie.”

An hour later, I recount this whole affair to my mother, who is more offended than I am.

Mom: “You don’t know your oldest child’s birthday?!”

Dad: “I can’t keep track of all four kids’ birthdays!”

Mom proceeds to rattle off my birthdate and the birthdates of all three of my brothers without stopping once.

Dad: “. . .”

Mom: “I remember their birth weights, too.”

He had to admit defeat.

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