Corporate Pride And Prejudice

I work for a large international organization. We’re sponsoring a Pride float in the city’s Pride parade this year. Anyone in the company can volunteer to join the procession. A lot of us pretty excited, but of course, one coworker has to make it awkward.

Coworker: *Scoffs loudly.* “Time to start looking for another job.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Coworker: “Woke is broke.”

Me: “…What does that even mean?”

Coworker: *Almost sounding rehearsed, like quoting soundbites.* “If you start welcoming godless activities into your life, then God will find a way to make you suffer. God will send this company under if they continue down this path.”

Me: “Well… good luck job hunting then.”

I was hoping that would end it, but nope:

Coworker: “I shouldn’t have to! I knew I was in a losing battle when they installed those gender-neutral bathrooms in the lobby.”

Me: “Uhm… I mean technically they’re gender neutral. They’re accessible toilets for people in wheelchairs. You know… so everyone can use them, regardless of gender.” 

FYI: we actually have them on every floor, but until recently they weren’t in the lobby, so they had to install them and that’s when it became a conversation point to ‘certain’ coworkers.

Coworker: “Gender-neutral is still a slippery slope! It’s godless!”

By now, voices are rising enough that our manager pokes their head out of the office.

Manager: “Hey, keep it down, please. And keep your personal opinions to yourself while you’re at work.”

Coworker: “It’s not up to you to deny my faith! I have freedom of speech!”

Manager: *Without missing a beat.* “Ephesians 6:5: ‘Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.’ Do as you’re told, [Coworker].”

Coworker: “That scripture is open to interpretation!”

Manager: “Funny how people only seem to know God’s intentions when it comes to sexuality and gender. Anything else, it’s suddenly ‘open to interpretation’.”

The office goes silent. Coworker sits back down at their desk. They’re still around, but these days they’re mercifully quiet.

The parade float was a big success, BTW, with almost a hundred coworkers from our building attending!