This Conversation Is Transcending Nowhere

, , , , , , , , , | Friendly | January 1, 2018

(I’m a trans guy. An underclassman has latched onto me as his mentor after I started dating his friend. I’ve assumed that he knows I’m trans, as it’s common knowledge among most people I talk to and he calls me “he.” We’re outside waiting for the bus when this happens.)

Friend: “So, what would you do if you got [Girlfriend] pregnant?”

Me: *surprised* “That would be quite a feat.”

Girlfriend: “Yeah.”

Me: “I guess if she was pregnant, I’d probably break up with her.”

Friend: “What? Why?!”

Girlfriend: “He can’t get me pregnant. It would mean I was cheating.”

(The subject soon changes, but as [Friend] and I get on our bus and my girlfriend gets on hers, he starts it up again.)

Friend: “So, if you got her pregnant, what would you name your kids?”

Me: “Again, I can’t get her pregnant.”

Friend: “What? Really?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Friend: “How does that work?”

(He’s very innocent, in some ways, and I kind of like that I pass as male around him. It’s nice having someone who doesn’t know I’m trans. He also tends to not have much tact, so I don’t necessarily want to get into the whole conversation right now. I don’t want to outright lie, though, so I weigh my words carefully.)

Me: “It’s a… medical thing.”

Friend: “Ah, did you get snip-snipped?” *makes scissor motion with fingers*

Me: “No, it’s complicated. I’ll tell you some other time.”

Friend: “Did you get kicked really hard? Because that’s the only reason I can think of.”

Me: “No!”

Friend: “So, your wick-wack doesn’t work like it used to?”

Me: “Kind of?”

Friend: ‚ÄúThat’s weird.”

Me: *tired of this* “I got it fighting a dragon.”

Friend: “A dog?”

Me: “No, a dragon. A fire-breathing dragon.”

Friend: “Okaaay… Where did you find this fire-breathing dragon?”

Me: “In the land of None Of Your Business.”

Friend: “OOOH, that was good.”

(He thankfully changed the topic to Australia, scary animals, and dog breeds he’d eventually like to own. He ended up finding out I was trans later, unfortunately, and my girlfriend explained it to him. Sadly, it’s much less fun talking to him now, especially after he jokingly called me a girl right after he found out. He tried to reassure me by telling me I still “count as a ‘he,'” taking great pleasure in the fact that he knows my apparent “secret,” referencing my “non-existent [genitals],” and telling me that I “confuse him” because he “has to call me he” even though the school still makes me use female formal wear for concert attire. I’ll be distancing myself from him. Thankfully, my girlfriend is one of my fiercest supporters and corrects him whenever she can.)

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