Contractions Speak Louder Than Words, Part 3
(I’m working in the dresses and handbags department. A rushed couple comes up with three items.)
Husband: “We’d just like these, please.”
Me: “Okay, just let me scan those for you.”
Husband: “Wait, that bag is supposed to be $20, not $29.99.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but these are not on markdown. The price is clearly marked on the tag.”
Husband: “It was on a $20 rack.”
Me: “I’m really sorry. I worked in luggage last week, and these are brand new. They are not marked down.”
Husband: “Fine, whatever.”
Wife: “Dear…”
Me: “I can call up to check, if you’re concerned.”
Husband: “I don’t have time for that.”
Me: “Do you have any coupons today?”
Husband: “We have a $20 off coupon.”
Me: “Okay, but these items are excluded on the back. Also, you’re short from the eligible purchase amount by a penny. I can call up and see if management will approve it anyway.”
Husband: “We don’t have time for that. My wife is in labor!”
(I look at the wife, who is, in fact, having visible contractions.)
Me: “Sir! You should be at the hospital! Why are you shopping?”
Husband: “It was on the way, and I needed a duffel bag for a trip next week! Now hurry it up!”
Me: “Sir, you need to take your wife to the hospital immediately!”
Husband: “I want to pay for this first! I need a duffel bag!”
Me: “Sir, I can put this on hold in your name. It will be here when you get back. Your wife needs medical care!”
Husband: “Forget the coupon, then. I’ll just pay with the store credit card.”
(I begin ringing him through as quickly as possible.)
Customer: “Wait! Shouldn’t there be a card-use discount?”
Me: “Not today, sir.”
Husband: “D*** it! Cancel it. I’ll use my debit!”
Me: “Sir, your wife is in labor. If you’re not willing to resolve this quickly and talk to management about your card complaints later, you should leave now and take her to the hospital immediately.”
Wife: “Honey, we have to go!”
Husband: “Fine! See if I ever shop here again! You people are killing my wife over a duffel bag!”
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