Conspiracy Weary, Part 7
I walk into the office carrying a cup of coffee with me.
Coworker: “Don’t drink so much coffee.”
Me: “I’ll drink what I want, thank you very much.”
Coworker: “You should have an apple instead. It’ll give you more energy.”
Me: “Uh… are you sure?”
Coworker: “Yes! It contains caffeine!”
I had to Google it. Apples do contain caffeic acid, but it’s nothing like caffeine. I tried to explain this, but won’t back down. As I am trying to show her, an older and more seasoned coworker takes me aside and explains:
Older Coworker: “Don’t bother, she won’t listen.”
Me: “Did she tell you not to drink coffee either?”
Older Coworker: “No, for me it was licking envelopes.”
Me: “Huh?”
Older Coworker: “Apparently, licking envelopes to activate the glue is super dangerous because if you get a paper cut on your tongue from the envelope, then the microscopic insect eggs in the glue will get inside your tongue and hatch and maybe eat your face.”
Me: “Oh my god…”
Older Coworker: “That’s nothing. You weren’t here when she was ‘educating’ us about vaccines. Don’t argue with that kind of stupid, just nod, move on, and laugh about it with us in the break room later.”
Related:
Conspiracy Weary, Part 6
Conspiracy Weary, Part 5
Conspiracy Weary, Part 4
Conspiracy Weary, Part 3
Conspiracy Weary, Part 2
