Conspiracy Theories Caught On Camera

(I’m from Germany. I’m traveling across the country on a long-distance bus and decide to use the time to watch a cartoon series a friend recommended to me. A random dude sits behind me and taps on my shoulder, so I take my headphones off.)

Dude: “Hey, do you mind if I watch that with you?”

Me: “Not at all. I even have some splitters on me. It’s in English, though.”

(The dude and I chat for about a minute about some cartoons we both enjoy while he moves his stuff to sit down next to me. Then, he just stares at my laptop blankly for no apparent reason.)

Dude: “You covered your camera.”

Me: “Yup, I did. I normally don’t Skype or anything, so it’s not like it’s an inconvenience or something like that.”

Dude: “You know that nobody’s watching you? God, if I knew you were a paranoid piece of s***, I wouldn’t have talked to you.”

(He continues to launch into a long speech, filled with insults, about conspiracy theories and how I must be completely bonkers for believing them — which I don’t — while I don’t say a word and tune him out for the most part. When he finishes a few minutes later, he demands that I explain myself and justify my “insanity.”)

Me: “My ex-boyfriend is an Anonymous hacker, and he actually did hack into my computer and my webcam. He took some pretty nice pictures of me and sent them to my friends, who kindly beat him up for me. As far as I know, he didn’t try again, and the pictures are gone, but I prefer to have my webcam covered, not that it’s any of your business. Now, either shut up and put your headphones in and watch [Cartoon] quietly without speaking to me, or shut up and leave, which I’d prefer.”

(He left. For anyone interested, my ex and I never crossed paths again and he still hasn’t contacted me five years later, to my immense joy. My friends are still awesome, and I still have no social media, nor do I open anything that isn’t sent to me by a trusted source. Not everyone with their webcams covered is a nut-job. Sometimes their exes are just psycho.)