Condomning Consoling Behavior

(I work support for a well-known gaming system. It’s Super Bowl Sunday, and it’s very slow due to everybody watching the game. However, we are getting plenty of prank calls.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Game Company]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

(Note: the caller sounds like he is 13 years old at the most.)

Caller: “Uh, yeah. How do I put on a condom?”

Me: “Um, this is [Game Console] tech support. I can only help with [Game Console]-related questions. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Well, you see, I wanted to have sex with my [Game Console], but I didn’t want to get it pregnant, so that’s why I need to know how to put on a condom.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I guess you’d be happy to know that it is only a machine and therefore cannot get pregnant.”

Caller: “Aw, sweet!”

Me: “But I do need to point out that any liquid damage due to any related activities would void the warranty, and our technicians would not be able to accept it for any future repairs.”

Caller: *click*