Committing A Social Hoax Pa

While shopping, I see some commotion in the produce. I don’t know how it all began, but this anti-masker woman is in a full-blown tirade about the conspiracies while yelling at this poor little girl just trying to restock the potatoes with her mask on.

I guess an employee in a mask offended her? I am wearing my gay pride mask, and I’ll be honest, I am hoping I will catch this woman’s attention with it if only to wave or something and show my support for masks in public. Be careful what you wish for?

I make my way around the employee’s little cart thing with all the potato boxes.

Me: “‘scuse me.”

The woman and I make complete eye contact. Maybe she thinks I am trying to interject into the ranting? Either way, the transition is seamless; suddenly instead of haranguing the employee, she starts in on me about mind control and being a puppet. The same crap they always say.

I let her go on for a while, just a bunch of:

Woman: “They just want to see Trump lose in November! It’s all a big hoax and you’re falling for it!”

I have been waiting for an opportunity like this since masks first became controversial. The moment she pauses, I just very calmly say:

Me: “I tested positive last week and the doctor told me I have to wear a mask if I have to be out in public.”

To be clear, I am NOT positive for anything. My voice is as crackly as a transman at the height of second puberty. I have severe seasonal allergy issues and a sinus infection has hit me hard without warning. So, really it is best I wear a mask.

The look on her face is so tasty I am almost giddy, like someone had slapped her in the face with a handful of dog poop; just shock and horror. She instantly steps back and looks me up and down, then looks at the employee who has been at a complete loss since before I even stepped in.

Woman: *To the employee* “Are you going to let her in the store like that?”

Woman: *To me* “You shouldn’t be in public at all!”

Me: “I have the right to be here.”

Woman: *To the employee* “I want to see your manager!”

At that point, the employee leaves to get a manager, and all I can think is “run, child, run fast, run far.” I start to make my way through the rest of the store, and the woman tries to stop me with her cart. I don’t have a cart, so I just walk around her, and she starts screaming at me to stop and get out.

Me: “I thought it was just a hoax?”

That shut her up! 

I later called the store explaining the situation so that employee doesn’t have to quarantine or get tested.