Coming In For War Paint

(I’m a manager at a popular home supply store in the paint supplies department. I’m filling orders for paint, because the work is getting so backed up, when a clearly angry customer approaches the desk. One of the employees talks to the lady for a while before she starts screaming for a manager. The employee points in my direction and waves at me to come over. I drop what I’m doing and walk over.)

Customer: “HELLOOOOOO!”

Me: “Hello there! How can I help you?”

(She lifts a nearly empty can and slams it on the counter.)

Customer: “You dip-s***s sold me the wrong color! My living room is RUINED!”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand you are frustrated, but please refrain from using coarse language. What color were you trying to get?”

Customer: “A DIFFERENT ONE! YOU gave me a MUCH darker color than what’s on this swatch!”

Me: “Here, let me see what you have.”

(The customer hands me a paint swatch with a honey-color circled in marker. I look at the paint and it matches exactly.)

Me: “Is this the color that’s on your walls now?”

Customer: “YES! How many times do I have to say it?! It’s hideous and YOUR fault!”

Me: “By chance, did you try a sample of the paint first? To see what it looked like with the normal lighting in your room? The samples are quite inexpensive and allow you to try out a few different colors to make sure you like something before—”

Customer: “WHY would I spend money on a SAMPLE?! SAMPLES are FREE!”

Me: *glazing over* “This is paint we’re talking about. We give you enough to cover a small area. It’s not like the sample has noth—”

Customer: “You need to fix this mess you made NOW!! You ruined my living room! Now you’re going to fix it!”

Me: “We are not responsible for you not liking the paint you picked out. I CAN mix up some samples for you to take ho—”

Customer: “And YOU need to come to my house to paint my living room!”

Me: “That’s not going to happen.”

Customer: “And you’re going to do it for free to make up for the distress you’ve caused.”

Me: “That is DEFINITELY not going to happen.”

Customer: “And you’re going to refund me the price of the paint!”

Me: “That is also not happening.”

Customer: “AND I want a gift certificate to show me how sorry you are for the headache you’ve caused!”

Me: “In that case, that will definitely never happen.”

Customer: “Then give me my next room’s worth of paint for free!”

Me: “Absolutely not.”

Customer: *shrugs* “Oh well, it was worth a try.”

(She then turned around and left without her empty paint cans.)