Come To Blows Over Mojitos

(I am on bar and our TV has CNN on, at multiple customers’ requests. I am making a mojito when this happens.)

Customer #1: “What is that cocktail called?”

Me: “A mojito, sir.”

Customer #1: “Oh, one of them there foreign girly drinks.”

Customer #2: “Excuse me?”

(Customer #2 is a woman, but had ordered hers with double the amount of rum I usually put in it.)

Customer #1: “You heard me! Foreign crap! And all these immigrants need to go the hell home! Stealing American jobs!”

(I am of Southeast Asian descent and all my regulars know where I was born, ie. not America.)

Me: “Well, sir, I guess I’ll be off home, then!”

Customer #1: “Well… no, not you…”

Me: “Why not?”

Customer #1: “Well, you’re smart! I like you!”

Me: “Oh, thank goodness. I’m so glad I can stay! With my husband! And my green card!”

Customer #2: *as I hand her her mojito* “Hey, give him a taste of this.”

(I pour some into a rocks glass and hand it to Customer #1. He takes a sip and his eyes BULGE.)

Customer #2: “[My Name], my girly drink tastes fabulous!” *she makes a show of putting some money in my tip jar* “And you, [Customer #1], let me know when you’re getting your plane ticket back to Ireland.”

(They were all regulars and all knew each other. Customer #2 knew Customer #1 was of proud Irish descent and showed off every St Patrick’s Day. Customer #1 was completely quiet the rest of the time he was there, and left a decent tip. I bought Customer #2 a shot when Customer #1 had left.)