College Of Fools

(I work in student services, and a lot of my calls are to help students who can’t figure out how to log into the school’s system or find their transcripts. A few of my favorite comments recently:)

Student #1: “I tried all my passwords — Batman, SuperBatman, SuperCoolBatman — and nothing works!”

Student #2: “My first and last initials? You mean, like, the first and second letter of my first name?”

Student #3: “I tried to order my transcript from [Other College] and they want to charge me for it. Can’t you just call them and ask them for it so they’ll send it for free?”

Student #4: “I don’t see why I have to set up an account with you. I don’t want the email address, and if I can’t log in to the system to register for classes, then you’ll just have to do it for me and that will be your problem, not mine.”

Student #5: *after having an account go to collections* “Well, I ignored the bill because I wasn’t going to go back to your school. Now you won’t give me my transcript if I don’t pay? I need it right now, so I don’t think I should have to pay the bill since I’m still not coming back to your school.”