COLD BREW FOR THE GIGGLING EDITOR IN THE CORNER

I usually only order coffee at the big chains when there’s some seasonal thing that I enjoy. One of those things is, quite unironically, the pumpkin spice latte. All stereotypes and memes aside, it’s just warm and cozy and tasty.

I place my order in an app for the shop around the corner from where I work as I head out on my lunch break and stop in. I notice the person calling out the orders has (to me, at least) a very faint, high-pitched voice, so I step up.

Me: “Hey, I’m sorry to be a bother; I placed a mobile order, and I don’t hear too good in this ear. When you call out my name, could you just make sure it’s nice and loud, please?”

Barista: “Oh, sure, no problem!”

I give her my name and order, and I go sit down to wait. A couple of minutes later, the biggest, most barrel-chested barista I’ve ever seen in my life walks over, and in a voice somewhere in the range of Barry White, bellows out:

Big Barista: “ONE PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE WITH EXTRA CARAMEL AND PLLLEEENNTY OF WHIPPED CREAM FOR [MY NAME]!”

A few people are understandably startled. I need a minute because I’m bent over the table laughing, as are a few others. I get up there finally, and he hands it over with a big s***-eating smile.

Big Barista: “Here you go, sir. I hope that was loud enough.”

Me: “It definitely was, thank you!”

And it was delicious!