Closing The Windows On This Scam

(We commonly get random sales calls at work, but as we’re a company chain store, we usually give the corporate number and that’s that. For the past four days, though, we have gotten a scam call from an 800 number that ends with four zeros at the end, which is how we have kept track of it. He has a strong accent, gives random male names, and always says he is with tech and calling about our computer.)

Me: “[Store], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Tech: “Hi, this is Kevin. I am calling about your computer.”

Me: *rolls eyes at coworkers and mouths that it’s him again* “Yes, what about the computer?”

Tech: “Yes, your computer is having problems.”

Me: “Oh, really? What kind of problems are you talking about?”

Tech: “Well, when you are getting on the Internet, you are having problems.”

Me: “Hmm, no, really haven’t. Can you explain what you mean?”

Tech: *getting frustrated* When you are getting on the Facebook and your emails, you are getting things that are slowing your computer down. Are you seeing things like that?”

Me: “Nope, haven’t seen a thing.”

Tech: “Well, that is what is happening. Are you sitting in front of your computer?”

Me: “I am.”

Tech: “Is this computer on?”

Me: “No. Should I turn it on?”

Tech: “Yes, I need for you to turn it on for me.”

Me: “It’ll take a little bit.”

(I’m nowhere near a computer, so I stand to the side writing down everything that he’s said to me so far.)

Me: “Okay, it’s on now.”

Tech: “Is it on the Windows?”

Me: “Windows? No. We have it on the desk.”

Tech: “I mean do you have Windows on your computer?”

Me: “No, I don’t believe in that modding nonsense for computers.”

Tech: *getting frustrated again* “Is your computer run by Windows?”

Me: “Oh! You mean is my operating system Windows! Yes, it is.”

Tech: “Yes, then do you see your keyboard?”

Me: “I see it.”

Tech: “Do you see your control key?”

Me: “Yes, what about it?”

Tech: “Do you see what’s beside it?”

Me: “The control key? There’s a shift.”

Tech: *getting angry again*“No, what is beside it.”

Me: “Well, there’s a key that looks like a menu item. That one?”

Tech: “No! On the left side control key.”

Me: “Oh! You mean my Windows key! Yeah, I see it.”

Tech: “I need you to press this down and ‘R’ at the same time.”

Me: “Okay, why do I need to do that?”

Tech: “This will open up this black box so you can type run in there. Is this black box up?”

Me: “No, I don’t have a black box up. What was I supposed to do again?”

Tech: “You need to be pressing the Windows key and the R key at the same time.”

Me: “Oh, you must want me to prompt a run command. Is that what you mean for me to do?”

Tech: “Yes—”

Me: “—and then you’re going to tell me how to give you access to my computer next. Of course, if my computer was actually running slow, I could always go into the BIOS to check things. Or I could get the TDSSKiller. Or run Spybot, or a number of other programs. However, I don’t think I have a problem. I think you just want remote access to my computer so you can steal hard-earned money from me. Luckily for me, I’m not stupid. You’re calling a company phone, so even if I did run that command, you wouldn’t have gotten anything from us. I will be notifying the necessary people about you and your scam. This number will be posted up so customers will know in advance you are a scam artist, and if you call here again, we are not going to be this nice to you. Do not call this number again.”

Tech: “You are an idiot.”

Me: “And you’re just angry that it didn’t work.” *click*