We’re Closed And Hopefully So Is Your Bladder

(The store I work at closes at 10 pm; it is actually 10:02 when my manager is letting out our last late customers and locking up. We have a man then rush through the automatic doors. He catches it with his shoulder so hard that he actually knocks them off of their tracks.)

Man: “Whoo! I made it! Just in time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve actually closed.”

Man: “Nope! I made it before you locked the doors; gotta let me stay now!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but that’s not how it works. We have closed for the night.”

Man: “Well, that’s fine. I just need to use your bathroom. I’ll be back.”

(At this point my manager, who has popped the doors back into place, steps forward.)

Manager: “Sir? I can’t let you do that. As it is you’re lucky you didn’t actually break the door. You need to leave. Now.”

Man: “I’m not buying anything. I’m just taking a leak. I’ll be fast.”

Manager: “Sir, we have closed; you know this. You have to leave.”

Man: “Well, f*** you, then!”