Close, But No Cigar

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Working | July 16, 2017

(I attend a very prestigious school — not Ivy League, though it outranked two of them — and walk over to the pharmacy kitty-corner from my dorm to buy some cigars. I am 19 then, and a Texas native. Under-21 licenses in Texas, which list “Under 21 until [DATE],” are rotated 90° compared with the 21+ licenses, to make age verification for alcohol purchases easier.)

Me: “Just a pack of [Cigars].”

Cashier: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Sure.” *hands it over*

Cashier: *raises an eyebrow* “This is out-of-state.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m from Texas.”

Cashier: *sighs, pulls out a book from beneath the counter with examples of IDs from each state*

Cashier: “Your ID is oriented the wrong way.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, they do that until age 21.”

Cashier: “I dunno; the book doesn’t mention that.”

Me: “The book probably only shows examples of 21+, for alcohol purchases. You can see mine says ‘Under 21 until [My 21st Birthday].’ But I’m just buying tobacco; I’m over 18.”

Cashier: “I’m gonna have to get my manager; I think this is a fake.”

Me: “Listen, ma’am. I attend [University], and I’ve been on the Dean’s List every semester. I’m a National Merit Scholar. I got a 2320 on my SATs, and graduated from my high school with a 91/100 GPA. It’s safe to say I’m a fairly smart guy. Do you honestly think I would be here, not only showing you a fake ID, but one that explicitly states that I’m not even 21?”

(I got the cigars.)

1 Thumbs
  • Rob Tonka

    “I  attend [University], and I’ve been on the Dean’s List every semester. I’m a National Merit Scholar. I got a 2320 on my SATs, and graduated from my high school with a 91/100 GPA.”

    And she’s supposed believe all that cause you said so?

    • Lauren Smyth

      His entire rant just makes him seem like a pompous a-hole.

      • Clay

        Just the fact that he’s a 19-year-old who smokes cigars should have been enough to tip us off.

        • Matlatzinca Montoya

          So the fact that they have a legal id means nothing?

          • Cassia212

            Not when he’s being an arrogant Catch U Next Tuesday about it, no.

          • Matlatzinca Montoya

            Not Wednesday?

          • TheWonderRabbit

            What is a ‘cunw’?

          • Matlatzinca Montoya

            I dunno…who mentioned it?

          • Cassia212

            You did…

          • Matlatzinca Montoya

            I said “cunw”?

          • Nicole

            C U Next Tuesday is an acronym. Making it wednesday makes the word “Cunw”. Think about it.

          • Cassia212

            You brought it up when you suggested “Wednesday.”

        • Alétheia

          @matlatzincamontoya:disqus : Oh, sure, it means plenty. But whether or not it means that he’s a pompous a-hole is moot, since plenty of pompous a-holes have IDs. The whole “being a 19 year old who smokes cigars” and “rants about how smart he is,” though, are clear indicators. 😛

    • Kitty

      “Congratulations on supposedly being a good student. Which has nothing to do with whether you would or wouldn’t try to sneak cigars.” What color is their underwear? Blue always means someone is sensitive, after all~ =P

    • Ian R.

      Yep! And she’s further supposed to believe that really smart people never, ever do stupid things. Clearly, no top student in the history of history has ever been caught with a bad fake ID.

    • Xebi

      First two things that came to my mind: what you said, and “street smart and book smart do NOT always go hand in hand – so what if you do have all of that?” I wouldn’t have served him. I might have googled what his Texas licence should have looked like if he were less arrogant.

  • Zach

    Ok calm down with the bragging.

  • Blaine Wheeler

    Don’t wrench your arm patting yourself on the back there, OP…

  • Ellis Joens

    This just seems like a way for OP to brag about how smart they are. I’m sure even smart people use fake IDs, and if your primary concern in getting such an ID was buying tobacco while under 18, adding that “under 21” marker to a fake ID might add some plausible deniability. I’m not saying the cashier was right to immediately think it’s a fake ID, but the OP’s little speech proved nothing except that they’re full of themself and think that good grades mean they can’t do anything wrong.

    • David Willy

      Not unlike my trying to buy beer when I was 23 without my ID and showing my balding head.

      • Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark

        Oh, I actually bought alcohol while under 21 by showing my premature gray hairs! In the 1980s, carding was way less rigorous than it is now — many of the techniques I used to get served while underage wouldn’t work today.

        My GPA was very nice, too, but I didn’t share that with servers. I mostly just looked mature and reliable at them, and made sure I went places that were more plausible for a 25-year-old than for a college student.

        • David Willy

          It was 1987, and you are right. I was in a strange town.

        • Novelista

          The way they were carding when I was there in 2003, grey hairs would definitely work in Ireland! (They were so lax back then…well, I have stories.)

      • ThatGirl

        I was carded throughout my 20s. I miss those days.:(

  • Riviellan

    “Fairly smart guy” still uses something that will give him a potentially fatal disease. Tobacco kill, bro.

  • Don Burke

    That sounds pretty close to the same line every underage buyer tries.

    The clerk _should_ have asked the manager.

  • Aaron King

    OP is like a Russian doll . . . full of themself

  • VillyJean

    OP, you’re a pretentious douchebag.

  • Gretchen

    So… you posted this just to brag?

  • SupaNovaGurl12

    Cashier probably sold it to you so you would shut up.

  • Katie Manning

    Cashier was in the right, OP is a pretentious tw*t waffle.

    P.S. Bragging about how smart you are while actively giving yourself multiple types of cancer makes you a complete idiot on top of being a pretentious tw*t waffle.

    • Rebekah

      Thank you. That’s what I was thinking. “Safe to say I’m a pretty smart guy” – and yet not smart enough not to willingly put poisonous substances in his body.

      • Akamar

        I was fuming about this all last night.

      • TheWonderRabbit

        I dunno, there are plenty of intelligent people who still drink or smoke.

        Understanding the risks doesn’t mean some people don’t still enjoy the activity.

  • Chiitaku

    Cashier shouldn’t have said they thought it was fake, just that they needed to confirm it with a manager since they’ve probably never seen an under 21 ID before. We have the IDs for under 21 vertically oriented in Florida too.

    • Wisconsin, too. I always thought that was the federal norm.

    • Raven Hurst-Whelan

      Michigan as well, though while working in a gas station, I saw multiple kinds of id’s, so I knew at the time we were a bit odd.

  • heatherjasper

    What would have been bad about letting her get the manager? Assuming that the manager isn’t as ill-informed as the cashier.
    Also, didn’t the cashier get a license before 21? Surely she would’ve known about the different format.

    • MercyMay

      I think the format is specific to Texas. I’ve never seen one like that outside of Texas.

      • AMH

        Nah, MA does it too (or did; I haven’t had to show id/card anyone in a long time)

        • And here in MI, and someone commented FL too.

      • dannybva .

        VA does, or did, it.

      • MercyMay

        Ah, thanks guys! I’ve never seen it other than Texas.

        • Ilera

          New Mexico does it too.

      • das Wunderkind

        AZ does it as well.

      • Cyran

        Utah has a different orientation for under-21 as well.

        • As well as non-driver IDs, if I recall correctly.

      • TimeandSpaceGamer

        New York has them as well

        • They weren’t like that when I got mine, but that was admittedly back pre-2000. I’m sure things could have changed since then.

          • tulip_poplar

            Mine wasn’t flipped either. As of ~10 years ago the only difference was “UNDER 21” in red. PA and NC flip it though.

      • Katy A

        And Washington.

      • AngieJ13

        Just adding to the list… KY does as well.

      • yeahitsme1

        Michigan too

      • Kevin Conti

        PA as well. I never realized that so many states did it.

      • -BabsUvula-

        Illinois does this too.

      • heatherjasper

        I think all states have minor licenses aligned vertically and major licenses formatted horizontally.

    • JenL

      Not if her state didn’t do that…

    • TheBigBadWolf

      The cashier was ignorant about the ID and getting the manager would have allowed them to know if the ID was actually valid and not fake. The customer’s words are not valid which is why there are ID checks in the first place.

    • Lauren McDonald

      Up until a few years ago, orientation of licenses was not different for under 21 (in Missouri). I had no idea other states had vertical licenses for under 21 until I went to college out of state. We recently switched license designs and under 21s are now vertical.

  • MercyMay

    People like OP make me lose hope for the future.

  • Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark

    Just let the clerk get the manager.

    If you’re actually a student at [University], you know perfectly well that your peers, some of them with high GPAs, do (or did) things while underage. Being on the Dean’s List has nothing to do with your tobacco purchase.

  • Patrick Mccurry

    “I’m good on tests, so obviously I’m incapable of committing crimes.”

  • Geki Gangar

    A smart guy got into a prestigious school with a 91 average? Didn’t happen.
    Also, smart people know to stay away from those cancer sticks.

    • LawGeek

      APs, probably. They drag down your GPA, but weight them the the application process.

  • Phil Adler

    Book-smart but never read or watched anything that said tobacco is bad for you?

  • ✓ᴰᵉᵖˡᵒʳᵃᵇˡᵉ Dee

    For having such high scores and GPA, the OP is pretty stupid when it comes to the law.

  • Asiyd

    That very prestigious school gave you a very pretentious attitude. It’s not attractive, I promise.

  • das Wunderkind

    OP is seemingly intelligent yet is stupid enough to intentionally use products proven to cause cancer. Book smarts vs. common sense.

  • Matt Westwood

    And why should bragging about how awesome you are pull any weight with him? He could think you’re lying, as do I, I recognise bu11$hit from 10 miles away.

  • Kali Ravel

    …but where’s your evidence (to the cashier) that all of that is true? Particularly since one reason someone might have an under-21 ID is to buy tobacco.

  • Simon Landry

    The USA is a weird country regarding the minimum age for buying alcohol. You might be an adult, allowed to smoke, join the army, drive a car, buy a gun, get married and vote. But for alcohol, you have to wait 3 years.

    • Matilda

      We sort of have that here. You can buy beer and drink at resturants at 18, but you have to be 20 to shop at Systembolaget. (The only place allowed to sell hard liquor)

    • Also forget renting a car without boatloads of extra fees until you’re 25.

    • Big Daddy

      The main reason for the 21 age is to keep alcohol away from high school kids. Back when the drinking age was 18 in Michigan, I knew a couple of HS seniors who made a tidy profit reselling to younger kids.

  • Deadpool
  • Matilda

    Why do I get the feeling this was submitted soley so op could brag about himself?

    • Mechwarrior

      Because it was really, really obvious?

  • Sandy

    Discreet brag there eh

    • Hedronal

      Not discreet.

  • Aaron King

    with that habit and that attitude your virginity is super safe

    • Akamar

      Oh, I’m sure he’s got a fabulous, long winded story about how not only is not a virgin, but is practically a gift to mankind for their superior knowledge and method of love making. He’s probably perfected a smoldering glacé that will make intended lovers experience pleasure by his sheer will alone.

    • Michelle Gibson Power

      He has a girlfriend. Oh, you don’t know her. She lives in Canada. They met at Niagara Falls.

  • Abigail Hermione Irwin

    None of the info in your final comment is relevant. NONE of it. Just let the employee get the manager and let the manager sort it out. If the store’s examples of accurate ID are incomplete, that is the store’s problem — find somewhere else to buy your freakin’ cigars.

    The employee has no reason at all to believe you’re a “fairly smart guy” (’cause you’d be surprised how many stupid people say that) and thus not using a fake ID simply on the basis of your say-so.

  • Greg MacDonald

    “Do you honestly think I would be here, not only showing you a fake ID, but one that explicitly states that I’m not even 21?”

    Ah yes, the “McLovin'” principle from the movie Superbad. His fake ID says he is 25.

    “Listen up: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they’re 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It’s called strategy, all right?”

  • Lord Circe

    And I’m guessing you expected us to be all impressed with how smart you are? Don’t go all “double double” when you get called out for being full of yourself.

    • TheBigBadWolf

      I’m blanking/ignorant here. I can’t make sense of what “go all double double” means.

      • Lord Circe

        There was an OP a while ago that posted a story, and then got really, really upset when people started criticizing her, rather than the employees. She wanted to order a double double coffee, noted that every server would always not get it when she asked, and then when a few people suggested she might have an accent, she exploded about how she taught English and had perfect diction. She ended up posting on several other stories, complaining about people being mean to OP’s. The guy’s attitude in the story above kind of reminded me of her, so, callback.

        • TheBigBadWolf

          Ah, I must have missed that one.

          • Lord Circe

            It was back shortly after the comment system switched to Facebook, so the comment chain is unfortunately probably lost.

          • Asiyd

            Probably for the better, I don’t think this new influx of commentators would be any nicer XD

            Wish I’d seen that comment thread though!

        • Bonus points: the OP has (apparently) responded on here with what appears to be sarcastic thanks to everyone for being so nice. (User David Finklestein.)

          • Lord Circe

            Even better, he made the account just to comment.

  • Kirishima Touka

    Try not to sprain your wrist from patting yourself on the back.

  • Cassia212

    Another NAW story that belongs on NAR. If you happen to read this OP, the clerk didn’t let you buy the cigars because you dazzled her with your “superior” intellect or flawless logic. She let you buy the cigars because after listening to your bragging she decided “Screw it, I’d rather get fired and fined for not following ID laws than deal with this insufferable, pretentious little pissbaby for another second.”

    • WC

      Actually, I’m pretty sure the missing part of the story was that they got the manager involved anyhow, and the manager okayed it. The long speech likely had nothing at all to do with anything.

      • Cassia212

        Entirely possible but still, I can imagine that the cashier was all too happy to make him someone else’s problem.

    • canaduck

      That was my feeling exactly. Almost worth the possibility of getting a major fine and/or losing your job to get somebody that unbelievably irritating out of the store.

      • Cassia212

        I tolerated the little creep for a couple days when he decided to start commenting here (assuming that was the OP and not just a very sad troll) but I doubt I would have lasted that long had I been dealing with him in person.

  • Samantha Andrews

    Attending that “prestigious” school doesn’t seem to have imbued this author with either manners or sense. Bragging is vulgar and tobacco makes you smell disgusting (and may of course lead to many unpleasant diseases).

  • Andre5000

    You’re a child paying for throat cancer. The average garbageman is your intellectual superior in every way…

    • TheWonderRabbit

      Actually you shouldn’t inhale a cigar.
      Mouth and tongue cancer though…

  • Roeduh

    Can we get a Not Always Humble subsection for this guy?

    • Cassia212

      I feel like the person who approved this story and added it to the queue did so thinking “I can’t wait to watch this pompous little d-bag get savaged in the comments section.”

  • Saphiraki

    so any stories i submit about angry customers or ACTUAL rude workers get skipped over for some jackass bragging about how “smart” they are so they can willingly give themselves cancer

  • Pogla

    Is there a way to downvote these stories?

  • Mike

    If he came into the store I work at and told me that line, I would have said no. Sounds like a lie, and if my ID book doesn’t have it, I’m not taking it.

  • StephBWFern

    Cashier sees ID that looks totally unfamiliar and is not mentioned in the ID book and wants to get manager’s opinion as to how to proceed….seems completely bloody reasonable to me, OP.

  • Just goes to show you don’t need cigars in order to blow smoke.

  • TheBigBadWolf

    Well, OP, you were buying cigars. You could be an underage smoker who got a fake ID that stated you were over 18 but under 21. That’s one reason why you would have a fake ID that says you are not 21. Not to mention any casinos or age-restricted places that you might want to go to that doesn’t necessarily require you to be 21. After all, some people don’t like alcohol so wouldn’t bother.

    The cashier has never seen an ID like that, the ID isn’t shown in the book that Cashier uses to confirm out-of-state IDs and wanted to check with the manager. Unless you had a student card with you, there was no way for the cashier to know if you were telling the truth. The cashier was doing their job.

    OP, you explaining it isn’t a reliable source for the cashier. In this case, it ended up being reliable but you did want to buy an age-restricted item. That automatically puts you in an unreliable source until cashier gets confirmation. You said they pulled out a book showing examples of IDs. The book is far more reliable than the person wanting the age-restricted item. The book didn’t have your ID as an example and the cashier decided to get a manager instead of just refusing you.

    This is in the wrong section, OP.

  • Maria Cristina

    Wow, OP, you’re in a desperate need for some validation, aren’t you? You can be clever, but it means little with that poor attitude.

  • Tossaway

    I was a variation of that clerk once. I had a Florida driver’s license while I lived in New Mexico. I worked at a convenience store. Someone came in to buy alcohol and threw down a Florida license that looked nothing at all like mine. I told the guy I had a Florida license so I knew his was a fake. After he left, I pulled the book and found out his license was good. Mine was several years old and the design changed since it was issued.

    • Whiteprime

      He was probably some ghetto thug trying to spend his momma ‘s welfare check on booze, you shoulda confiscated the fake id and called the cops

      • Tossaway

        ” some ghetto thug trying to spend his momma ‘s welfare check on booze” There you go,confusing a monitor with a mirror again.

  • Jellybean

    As someone who does attend one of those ivy leagues it bothers me slightly that you say Wash U outranks two of them. It in fact does not. It usually ties with one but as of late has fallen a step. And, that all depends on the source, which many are unreliable and inconsistent. I understand your point since I too run into many situations like this. However, also being intelligent I can say you only come off as pompous since for the level of school you attend and are referring to, your high school grades are far from impressive and there was no reason to go on such a tirade. All you did was belittle someone for being cautious about something they’re unfamiliar with, which it doesn’t matter how smart you are, there are some things you simply don’t know about yet and it could be said that someone truly smart wouldn’t act unless they are sure.

    • Asiyd

      Bam. Mic drop. Done guys, everyone can go home now. Jellybean wins. XD

    • adamsbja

      Let’s face it, brains don’t matter nearly as much as what you do with em. Unless you inherited a fortune or invent the next sliced bread empathy patience and restraint are gonna get you a better life than your SATs.

  • Maggie B Lind

    Pompous OP expects everyone to know him from Adam. Pompous OP brags about how smart he is when cashier is taking appropriate action for an out-of-state ID. Pompous OP doesn’t care about the possibility of cashier losing their job if they fail to properly check IDs, even if OP is just buying cigars. Pompous OP would drown if he stepped outside on a rainy day.

  • Dan

    You might be book smart, OP, but you’re an idiot for smoking.

  • Sara van der Merwe

    OP is the worst kind of educated person, the one who is instantly condescending about his superior levels of smartness to anyone who questions him. If I had to look in a book to research every type of foreign identification card, and was presented one that was not mentioned in said book, I’d be on alert, too.

    • Cassia212

      Exactly, reading this all I could think was “Is this guy trying to convince the cashier and the reader of his vastly superior intelligence, or himself?” Those types are never hard to spot, are they?

      • Sara van der Merwe

        I’d say himself. He probably knows that most people don’t care where he goes to university, and must therefore thrust it into conversation when he feels like he is somehow being belittled for things he doesn’t like. I mean, really, I won’t take anyone’s word for something at work. Of course the customer will say it’s an actual ID. I actually doubt the ending, as well, or at the very least I doubt it was his pompous ramble that convinced her. I bet he’s leaving out the part where the woman’s manager comes by and confirms it.

      • Kai

        Your IQ is just as much a private piece of information as any of your other measurements, and similarly impolite to disclose in public. If you’re not intelligent enough to be self-conscious about it, you’re not intelligent.

  • mashava

    PA is the same. And Maryland won’t take any vertical license, regardless of the actual birthday on the license. So, if I want to cross the state lines to drink, I have to take my passport…

    • Phil Adler

      …what. What freaking difference does it make?

    • I wonder what they’d do about non-driver IDs from Utah. Those are also vertical, no matter what age you are, to differentiate them at a glance from driver’s licenses.

      • mashava

        First M.D. bar i ever went to had, on a plaque above the bar, a notice “No Vertical ID.” So, S.O.L. I guess

        • Meaning if you’re from a state that does it with non-driver cards and you don’t drive, no drinks for you. That’s…kind of crap, to be honest (and I don’t drink and don’t see the point of it at all). Now I wonder if those locations take passports or passport cards at all, or if those are also out because they aren’t DL.

          • mashava

            Yeah, I gave the guy my passport (I had brought it in case) and it was fine. That’s why I won’t bother to change it; no sense in paying extra for a duplicate when I have a valid passport and may be changing states soon anyway.

            I don’t get the law either. I mean, my license has a red bar across the center with “Under 21 until [21st birthday].” It’s even easier than checking my birthdate?

  • SylviasDaddy

    OP, I’m with you on this, genius-to-genius. Riff-raff will always jeer.

    It takes a carpenter to build a barn. Any jackass can kick it down.

    • Jellybean

      Yeah…. except the jackass here is you and him. Genius to genius, as you pompously choose to say, if you’re unfamiliar with something and someone explains it to you, do you never have a question? I’ve met few people more intelligent than I, but there are hundreds of times when I don’t quite understand what someone is saying and when I show disbelief, the graceful intellectual takes a different approach rather than using flimsy words and achievements to prove that whatever they say is gold and no one should question them. Especially since when you truly are that smart, mistakes get made ALL the time.

      • Raizumichin


  • David Finkelstein

    OP here. Thanks for all the love, internet strangers!

    • TheBigBadWolf

      If you are really OP, there is one very important question. Did a manager actually show up?

      • David Finkelstein

        Given my perfectly logical (and supremely braggadocious, douche-tacular, and twatwaffle-y) explanation, that proved unnecessary.

        • Carolyn Foot

          Hey, at least your self-aware. Good enough for me.

    • Michael Chandra

      No need to give love to someone who harasses retail staff.

      • David Finkelstein

        Thanks, Mike!

    • Dsru Bin

      You are Adam Sellafield and I claim my 5 quid.

    • Sofiya

      Don’t worry, OP. In a few years you’ll look back on this and find it as cringy as the rest of us do. That’s what growing up is all about!

    • Cassia212

      Assuming you are actually the OP, have you seen enough of the world to finally understand that test scores aren’t a good indicator of your intelligence and that belittling an overworked, underpaid employee for not wanting to get fired and possibly face legal consequences just so you could give yourself cancer a little faster really isn’t okay? Or are you still the same, sad, insecure little boy who submitted this story?

      • David Finkelstein

        I cry myself to sleep every night and posting mildly entertaining stories on sites like this is how I seek validation.

        • Cassia212

          No worries little man, if anyone hadn’t figured the second part of that out already, the fact that you apparently created a Disqus account just to respond here will clue them in.

  • Seriously? At least the cashier was willing to let a manager make the final call rather than just ignoring you and decreeing that either your ID is fake because they’d never seen it before or that you were obviously still underage despite the birthdate on the card. Or just blanket decreeing that your ID style isn’t in the book so they can’t sell to you. How many stories have there been on here of cashiers who don’t want to bother at all with having to deal with an ID they haven’t seen before and just outright refuse service. You can learn to wait a bit while a manager squares things away.

    You really just sound full of yourself, and a lot like the multitudinous just-barely-of-age customers I’ve had over the years who’d whine about getting carded when they were just a few months past the legal age.

  • Alétheia

    re: “It’s safe to say I’m a fairly smart guy. Do you honestly think I would be here, not only showing you a fake ID, but one that explicitly states that I’m not even 21?”

    …yes, OP. Yes I do. It’s the smart ones that make fake IDs that look real enough to pass, yet are obviously fake enough to for them to go all “but she should have known it was fake!!!1!” when they get caught. It’s the smart ones that make fake IDs with details like the “under 21 until [date]” to add authenticity while not interfering with their vice of choice. It’s the smart ones that make them from out of state, so the clerk may not know whether or not it’s actually real. It’s the smart ones that try to dazzle the clerks, when caught with a possibly fake ID, with enough bull to get their way.

    Now, I’m not saying that’s what you were doing, but.

  • Jerry S.

    Apparently being smart doesn’t mean you have class.

  • jamie

    What I took from this is that college admissions have become so relaxed a student can be admitted into a college that outranks Ivy League schools while having what is basically a B average.

    • heymoe2001


    • Asiyd

      I don’t think I believe him. He’s too eager to boast about it.

    • Jellybean

      Truthfully you’d be surprised at how stupid you can be and still get into an Ivy League. However, when it doesn’t add up there is likely a reason such as: from a sought after country, minority, leagacy, big donor.

      • Or, depending on the Ivy League, whether you’re undergrad or graduate. My husband got his PhD at an Ivy League, and most of the people he worked with mentioned that generally people don’t care if you got your undergraduate degree there, because it’s a lot easier to get into the undergrad programs. What really counts is getting a Master’s or PhD, because that takes extra work and is subject to more stringent acceptance guidelines, due to grad students bringing in a lot of the university’s revenue with their research. A lot of undergrads, on the other hand, might get in due to money or family connections.

        What I’m curious about is what school this is that supposedly outranks two Ivy League schools, and which two it supposedly outranks.

        • Jellybean

          I already mentioned what school, WashU. And of course, you can clearly tell that this is someone entering their freshman year because they still even know or care about their high school resume. If I had to guess, it’s Cornell and Brown. There might be one source that WashU ties one of these schools but the majority of semi-reliable sources, this is completely untrue that it outranks both.
          You’re totally right. Graduate students at these schools are infinitely more polished and impressive than undergrads. However, it also depends on what you want to do on how impressive your alma mater is. If you want to do theater, Brown is more impressive than Harvard. If you want to do business you want to go to Harvard over Brown. If you want to be a vet you go to Cornell. Every school has their list of things they’re well known for and it’s much more impressive to go to a school known for your field than to simply go to a known school, as future employers and colleagues know what schools are best for their field.

          • Ah, thank you. I thought I’d seen that mentioned somewhere but couldn’t find it again.

            We lived in Ithaca for a while. Cornell seemed perfectly fine to me, given the people we dealt with on a regular basis and the fact that my husband’s employer there was a well-regarded scientist in the field of agriculture whose lab frequently had people contacting his grad students and postdocs to offer them jobs. A lot of those school-ranking lists certainly seem to be subjective.

            I agree that alma mater can definitely play a part in impressing people in your chosen career. Good point.

  • Tim Van Acolyen

    I think the last line should read ” (Needless to say, I got the cigars) “. That would have made this story complete.

  • Saitaina Moricia-Malfoy

    So essentially, you’re an elitist @sshole who is also an idiot given how many supposedly smart people have done incredibly stupid things (such as the MENSA member who killed his neighbors over a loud music complaint).

    She was following the feffing rules, scale back the bull.

  • Michael Chandra

    The rules here, with 18+ required for alcohol, are ‘ID under 25’, which translates to ‘we ask ID if we think you’re under 25’. Did I get upset at being carded at 31? Nope. I showed my ID and laughed, noting it’d been at least four years since I was last carded.

    • Kirishima Touka

      My older brother’s in his early 30s and he gets carded all the time. I also look fairly young, but I rarely if ever get carded :’D Drives him nuts

  • richhart

    When I was the US once at a bar I had forgotten to take my passport and so I had to show my West Australian driver’s licence. They were obviously a bit skeptical. In my head I was thinking ‘if I’m going to forge an ID, I’d probably pick something both easier to make and that you’d be more likely to accept’, but what I said was that I could go and get my passport if they needed me to. The manager accepted the licence.

  • Alexvanzanten

    If OP is a fairly smart guy, then why is he buying tobacco?? It just doesn’t add up…

    • TheWonderRabbit

      I imagine he enjoys smoking it.

    • chaotik_lord

      This is the one argument here that keeps getting under my skin. It’s not clever or cute to insist “If he was so smart, he wouldn’t give himself cancer! Hahaha!” It’s not wise to smoke, but intelligence has nothing to do with it. Maybe someone doesn’t care about living longer or healthier. Maybe they are depressed. Maybe they only smoke occasionally (cigars, after all). Maybe they don’t have the genetic background that suggests they will be among the smokers who get cancer; my grandfather died of lung cancer at 94 and they said he could have lived longer as a nonsmoker, but I think 94 sounds fine. We don’t get cancer on that side of the family, and it’s like much of the new genetics and epigenetics research – so much of your outcome is determined by your inheritance.

      But the OP is a pretentious little turdlet. And I feel like he might have been surprised to know there are cashiers out there with perfect SAT scores, too.

      • Alexvanzanten

        While we agree OP is a pretentious turd, we disagree a bit on the smoking, wjile I will never hold it against someone who is smijing for decades, but for the youth there are just no excuses, all reasons to start smoking are dumb.I don’t even care about the cancer risk, but more that I rank it equal to all other hard drugs, it is one of the most addictive hard drugs and while like you make clear the damage is not equal for every human, it is unknown how it will result up front. Your family can all be hardcore smokers and live till a hundred while you can develop lungcancer at a young age from their second hand smoke. So no intelligent being would start smoking.

        On sidenote, getting good grades is no guarantee of intelligence. It can also just be tge result of hard work and lots of studying. Even IQ test I take with a grain of salt, cause I took them and according to them I would be ranked in the top 0,01% I know I am smart but don’t feel I can measure up to many great mind who scored lower than me, so I always laugh when people try to show their IQ scores. I have only showed them once because that person was bragging over his ‘high’ score of 142.. he shut up about it and never brought up his scores again.

      • Frankly, I don’t care if someone wants to smoke as long as they keep it away from me and mine (secondhand smoke and all that), but if you’re going to trot out your intelligence level as evidence that you’re actually old enough, then I think it’s fair game to pull the “if you’re so smart, why are you giving yourself cancer?” argument.

    • Raizumichin

      Einstein and Freud both smoked. Intelligent people still choose to smoke, even if you don’t agree with that choice.

      • Alexvanzanten

        Aa I already said in a response, based on the current knowledge, I would never hold it against someone who started with smoking more than a few decades ago. Basically your whole argument was countered and made void before you made it.

        • Raizumichin

          How’s Gerhard Schröder, JK Rowling (although she has quit I believe), Simon Cowell, Bill Hicks, Warren Ellis and Roberto Cavalli for examples? All smart enough to become very respected in their feild, yet they all smoke.
          Even if you find a way to ignore those as well, your argument is still flawed. Smart people may still choose to smoke, because we’re all mortal. You will eventually too, even if you don’t smoke.

          • Alexvanzanten

            All of them fall under the same clause I mentioned before. They all started smoking in an time where smoking was not seen as the problem it is now, until mid to late 90’s smoking was heavily advertized and promoted everywhere worldwide. So anyone who started smoking before that (which every example you asked did) is excused. My argument therefor still stands solid and your examples where flawed before you even wrote them down. If you had read better you could have known that they all qualified for the exception.

            So I don’t find a way to ignore them after you post it, you just walked into a dead end road and hit a brick wall despite all the signs that it was a dead end road to begin with.

          • Alexvanzanten

            All bad examples as they already smoked before the world attitude on smoking changed. As I said before I excuse anyone who started smoking in a time when smoking was almost standard and until the mid to late nineties was still heavily promoted. But with current knowledge there is no excuse to pick up smoking. OP is far too young to qualify for the excuse.

            So I did not need to find a way to “ignore” them because you just gave bad examples. Like running into a brick wall of a dead end street that had a clear sign that you ignored.

            My argument stands still rock solid and your examples failed.

            I understand that in USA a lot of very smart people still smoke but as far as I can see all of those started in the previous century.

          • Raizumichin

            Tobacco has been known to be hazardous since before the 90’s, so that’s a weird cutoff-date to pick.
            I suppose it’s easier to ignore my other argument instead. Smart people may still choose to smoke despite your disaproval. You will eventually die too, even if you never touch a cigarette.
            Then your understanding is also a bit flawed, since smoking is still more prevalent in Europe than the US, across both age groups and intelligence levels. There might be less famous examples (since self-righteous busybodies keeps people from talking about it publicly) though. And it’s been a while since we’ve had any scientist with Einstein or Freud levels of fame.

  • Snownova

    So smart and yet stupid enough to smoke.

  • idrow1 .

    You’re bragging about being smart and you smoke cigars? I’m thinking that might get you a refund on your tuition.

  • Stephen

    Yup, a really smart guy.

    And yet he smokes

  • Clint

    I was going to make a comment but I can see all the best ones have already been made.

    Carry on.

  • Nicole

    just post your SAT scores and go, no need to make up a story bud

  • Christoffer Rydström

    I have heard better lies, so I would still not give him the cigarette before I checked with my manager.

  • Jay

    No, no.. the real joke here is that the OP never made the Dean’s List, wasn’t National Merit, had 1650 SATs, and an 82/100 GPA.
    Because really that’s all a bunch of irrelevant hearsay, offered without any proof.
    But good luck not dying from cancer, OP. Cigars make you look cool, as every smart kid knows.

  • heymoe2001

    Gee, when was the last time anyone asked me what I got on my SAT?
    Decades. No one cares OP.
    And GPAs are more commonly scored completely differently. Yours would likely be a 3. (with 4.0 being the highest). That’s not really impressive.
    Mine was higher, but again, no one cares.
    Aside from one complete bore I know who constantly manages to mention that he went to Harvard, I actually have little idea of where my friends and colleagues attended school. The subject rarely comes up. We base our assessments of each other on how well we do our work, where we volunteer, our manners, sense of humor, ability to carry on a conversation, yada yada yada.

    • Once your various grades and test scores from high school have been weighed and applied to college/university-related things like acceptance, scholarships, and school credits, people stop caring about them. At that point you’re in college, and the only thing that matters is whether or not you actually finish and get your degree. And if you’ve got a bachelor’s degree but then move on to graduate programs, people stop caring about that bachelor’s, because there’s a new degree on the way. You’re also right about where your degree comes from. My husband got his PhD at Yale. I only mention it to people we’re talking to when they specifically ask (or when I’m explaining things like in this comment). He certainly doesn’t find every chance he gets to drop it into conversation, or mentioning any honors he’s gotten throughout schooling. It’s not really important anymore, vs. what he’s currently doing with that education.

      Plus, as others have said, your grades have absolutely no bearing on whether or not you’re old enough to buy restricted items, or whether or not you’re going to try faking a certain kind of ID over another, or even whether or not you care about the health effects of those items. It’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that the cashier was unsure about the veracity of the ID, didn’t have it in her book of accepted IDs, and wanted to get a manager to verify it per policy. OP is a smug brat.

      (Apologies if this double-posts. Mod filters snagged the previous version for some reason.)

    • David Finkelstein

      We were on a 100-pt. scale at my high school. Makes a lot more sense that earning an 89 in a class not completely destroy your GPA.

  • cabbit

    He is over 16 so no issue getting cigars in my mind, but the wee speech at the end there just makes you think of some 15 year old trying to prove their a adult.

  • Rebecca Charlton

    He’s that smart and couldn’t figure out to pull out his smart phone and google the state web page for Texas and show the clerk an official document showing that Texas state ID for under age persons are reversed from those who are over 21? That’s a lot more relevant than his SAT scores.

    • David Finkelstein

      I still had a dumb phone at this time, actually. It wasn’t ’til I started receiving a paycheck from my first full-time job (shortly before the awarding of my degree) that I purchased a smart phone.

      [Insert joke about me being dumb].

  • Interesting, I didn’t realize there was a period in time when you could get higher than a 1600 on the SAT’s. I had to look that up. Back in the early 90’s, 1600 was the max, and it looks like since March 2016, that’s the max again.

    • chaotik_lord

      There was, for a time, an additional writing portion worth 800 points. I believe it used to be part of the SAT II schedule, and it might be again. I’m not sure as it was after my time; I only know because I felt the need to qualify the year of my exam on the very, very rare occasion when it was a topic of conversation.

      Note: it wasn’t at a gas station, and was directly related to applying to colleges when I went back to school.

  • Jordan Matthew Fisher

    Makes me wonder how many years ago this was, seeing as Illinois, right across the river, does the same thing to ID’s, and has for quite a few years.

  • Greg Parry

    One word: Fedora.

  • Corrine Asbell

    Luckily I turned 21 before they started that nonsense. My driver’s license did says Under 21 until date, and even though it was good until I was 23 I went ahead and got a new one after I turned 21. The only annoyance I remember is it expired after one year and I could only get it renewed if I had a letter from the school saying I was going, or if I had proof I dropped out or graduated.

  • naj00
  • S Busersky

    This reminds me of when I was a bartender and a younger looking woman came in without her ID. When I told her I couldn’t serve her she got really pissed off and told me that she was a student at a really good law school in our city and that I had to serve her because of that, and that that proved she was over 21. I was like as a law student you should probably get a better grasp on the legal ramifications of serving someone under 21, I don’t know you, I don’t know that you’re not lying. To be honest she was most likely over 21, and was with some people who were all like 25/26 so serving her would have been fine, but after she started ranting about how important she was to be a law student I was just annoyed and lost any interest in trying to help her out. She left super pissed off but I was okay with that.

    Also OP, go home you’re a dick.

    • My least favorite cigarette customer at the store I worked was a girl who was only a few months above the legal age, and always complained about having to show her ID. As though ID’s are only there to catch out underaged kids, and that cashiers magically know if you’re old enough to buy age-restricted items.

  • Tim McClanahan

    Rabbit Puppet: You’re right, my work has been weak. But it’s not my fault! I’m just not as smart as you are.
    Shark Puppet: Hmm…I suppose you have a point. I am EXCEEDINGLY brilliant.

  • Kathy

    And then the entire store burst into applause, OP got a lifetime supply of cigars for free, and the dean of the university himself, who just so happened to be standing in line nearby, decided that OP didn’t need to continue his schooling any more – the university would just give him top honors on his diploma immediately!

  • Holly

    Yes, yes, because National Merit Scholars who go into prestigious schools and get top grades never do anything illegal, like get fake IDs….Oh, wait Jenna Bush, 2001. But I guess the LW was, like 2years old, so he wouldn’t remember.

    Hey, National Merit Scholar on the Dean’s List, smoking is really, really bad for you. That is a scientific fact.

  • TonberryPi
  • SylviasDaddy

    Okay — Rob Tonka, Lauren Smyth, Clay, Aléthia, Cassia212, Kitty, Ian R., Blaine Wheeler, Ellis Joens, David Willy, Eilonwy_has_an_aardvark, Kogarashi, Katie Manning, Rebekah, Aaron King, Patrick Mccurry, Phil Adler, Geki Gangar, Asiyd, VillyJean, WC, Gretchen, StephBWFern, Abigail Hermione Irwin, Michelle Gibson Power, Akamar, Roeduh, Deadpool, das Wunderkind, √Deplorable Dee, Matilda, Mechwarrior, Riviellan, Sara van der Merwe, Kai, Lord Circe, LBD “Nytetrayn”, Andre5000, MercyMay, Maggie B Lind, Greg MacDonald, Jellybean, SupaNovaGurl12, Samantha Andrews, Kirishima Touka, Saphiraki, Dan, Maria Cristina, naj00, Jay, heymoe2001, Nicole, jamie, Alexvanzanten, Snownova, Christoffer Rydström, Saitaina Moricia-Malfoy, Jerry S., Kathy, Odd Duck 42, S. Buskersky, Rebecca Charlton, Sandy, Hedronal, Stephen, Holly, cabbit, and David Finkelstein – a total of 68 individuals — all want to jeer.

    Some also use filthy language, some cannot write correct English, and some jeer more than once.

    Since such are our enemies, OP, we are in good company.

    It is written “Narren spotten, aber sie werden trauern …”

    • Cassia212

      Thank you for making it so clear that you’re not worth wasting more than the time it will take to type this comment and hit the block button on. If only they all made it so easy.

    • I love how you included the OP himself (David Finkelstein) in the list of people who want to jeer. Good job.

  • Ian Rennie

    “Listen, ma’am. I attend [University], and I’ve been on the Dean’s List every semester. I’m a National Merit Scholar. I got a 2320 on my SATs, and graduated from my high school with a 91/100 GPA. It’s safe to say I’m a fairly smart guy.”

    Really? Because you sound utterly unbearable.

  • courtykat

    Believe it or not, OP, good grades don’t automatically mark you as intelligent… Especially when you think bragging about them is enough to validate your age.

  • Suruchi Sen

    Wow omg you are soooo cool and sooo smart! You’re the most amazing person ever omg I want to be like you one day! You go to a big cool university wowowowowow thank you for telling all of us because now we think you’re the best person ever.

    Is that what you wanted, OP?

  • AR

    What does that have to do with your id?

  • Hahn Ackles

    *reads story* Huh, comments are all gonna be roasting the OP. *scrolls down* Yep…

  • ThatGirl

    This was a sign from the respiratory gods. Ignore at your own risk.

  • RhovanionGirl

    Cashier is unsure, trying to do their job without jeopardizing their position. Snotty students demeans them and lists off achievements like that somehow matters in this situation. End result, OP looks like a pompous jerk.

  • William Sampson

    Idk. I’d be a little skeptical about an out of state ID, merit scholarships be damned. I hope the author of this story sees these comments. I hope the cashier posts his side of the story on NAR!!

  • Scram Clam

    “I attend a very prestigious school — not Ivy League, though it outranked two of them” Knew it was going to be some narcissistic, pat-on-the-back post as soon as I read this. Wasn’t even relevant to the story, just more OP bragging about how smart he is.

  • Herb

    Jeez dude. She’s just being careful and doing her job, even if it seems a little ridiculous. Chill out, you braggart.

  • Wub Wub

    Why is this on Not Always Working? The customer was a pompous cunt and the cashier was doing their job…