Close, But No Cigar

| Working | July 16, 2017

(I attend a very prestigious school — not Ivy League, though it outranked two of them — and walk over to the pharmacy kitty-corner from my dorm to buy some cigars. I am 19 then, and a Texas native. Under-21 licenses in Texas, which list “Under 21 until [DATE],” are rotated 90° compared with the 21+ licenses, to make age verification for alcohol purchases easier.)

Me: “Just a pack of [Cigars].”

Cashier: “Can I see your ID?”

Me: “Sure.” *hands it over*

Cashier: *raises an eyebrow* “This is out-of-state.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m from Texas.”

Cashier: *sighs, pulls out a book from beneath the counter with examples of IDs from each state*

Cashier: “Your ID is oriented the wrong way.”

Me: “Oh, yeah, they do that until age 21.”

Cashier: “I dunno; the book doesn’t mention that.”

Me: “The book probably only shows examples of 21+, for alcohol purchases. You can see mine says ‘Under 21 until [My 21st Birthday].’ But I’m just buying tobacco; I’m over 18.”

Cashier: “I’m gonna have to get my manager; I think this is a fake.”

Me: “Listen, ma’am. I attend [University], and I’ve been on the Dean’s List every semester. I’m a National Merit Scholar. I got a 2320 on my SATs, and graduated from my high school with a 91/100 GPA. It’s safe to say I’m a fairly smart guy. Do you honestly think I would be here, not only showing you a fake ID, but one that explicitly states that I’m not even 21?”

(I got the cigars.)

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